(not so) Big Ben has arrived!

 My little man is here, and I could NOT be more in love!

As of late last week, I wasn't quite getting the feeling that little dude was in any rush to vacate my tummy.  I resolved myself to it, actually, and felt pretty okay with the idea that I might be going into August still pregnant.  The hubby and I kicked off the weekend by seeing the new Batman movie in IMAX (aside from recent tragedies causing us to continually glance at the Exit sign, the movie was awesome), and letting the nug have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's house so we could have a quiet night alone.  It was SO gorgeous out on Saturday, we picked her up and spent the afternoon at the pool club, and Sunday we had a family beach day that could not have been more perfect.  I even joined the hubby on a lengthy beach walk, feeling good and confident that little man wasn't going anywhere.  

As of Monday morning at 9 am, I was the most pregnant I'd ever been (38 weeks 4 days).  I still wasn't feeling particularly antsy, but knowing the lover of Old Wives Tales that I am (anyone remember all of my sex of the baby tests???), decided to use a few of the more "silly" ones to see if we could coax the little guy out.  Truthfully, the hubs and I were just using it as an excuse to eat out every night and get all the yummy, spicy, not so great for you foods we've been trying to avoid because, well, they're not so good for you!  We even plotted out restaurants to eat at every night(no way he was letting me  have all the yummy food fun!).  Monday we'd have wings, Tuesday we planned to have a spicy beef dish we love at a local Thai restaurant, Wednesday was going to be Indian food night, and so on.  Except, we only got through Monday...

Monday, with the heat settling back in over NJ (apparently NJ was mistaken for Hades this summer), I decided I didn't want to keep the nug sitting in the house once again (I spent all of last week shutting us in the a/c), and took her to the local mall.  The mall near us may as well be Disney World for her- between the choo choo train that runs downstairs, the horse carousel in the food court upstairs, the Disney store and the build-a-bear shop, the mall is an absolute wonderland to a 2.5 year old.  We spent the afternoon enjoying some pizza, rides and strolling around; in retrospect it was a really great "last day" alone together--she was so well behaved and we had such a great time.  Not long after we got home, the hubs arrived and we took her to Houlihan's because I love their buffalo wings (my first spicy food test!).  We enjoyed our little trio time (inclusive of dessert, of course), and after we got home, we all seemed to pass out in record time...but the labor Gods had something else in mind for me Monday night.

I woke up with a quick, sharp pain at 1230 am- but any woman 9 months pregnant knows that sometimes, when you're unknowingly turning over in your sleep, you're certainly prone to sudden sharp pains.  Nothing followed: no contractions, no tightness, no nothing- and I quickly fell back to sleep.  Then at 1, another sharp pain.  This time I knew this wasn't the typical, middle of the night adjustment pain, and I quickly realized that I was not only labor, but my contractions were already only 6 minutes apart.  Since I'd had the nug so quickly, my doctor told me to call him after the first few consistent contractions, after 3 of them that were 6 minutes apart (and the most intense things I'd ever felt), I woke K about 1:30, told him I was calling the doctor, and to call his mother.  Of course, the answering service first had to call the doctor and have him call me back, but being in as much pain as I was, I knew there was no way I wasn't going- I quickly packed the last of my items and waited for K's mom to arrive to stay with the nug.  Thank the lord in Heaven she arrived as quickly as she did, and that K already had the car running and waiting to go.  The 30 minute ride to the hospital was excruciating, with me mostly trying to keep myself calm.  Although I'd told myself the whole pregnancy that I'd wanted to go natural the way I had with the nug, this pain was so much more intense than I could have imagined, with little relief in between.  I promised myself if I made it to the hospital without wetting myself, I'd treat my body to the epidural.  

When I finally got to the hospital, I couldn't even lift myself out of the car.  Thankfully (seriously, I will use that word about 500 more times before this story is over...), a nurse happened to be sitting outside of the ER on her break and noticed my inability to move.  She quickly retrieved a wheelchair, and she wheeled me right up to L&D.  At first the nurses took their sweet time getting things going; I tried to express my agony, but being L&D nurses, I'm pretty sure they are used to women in agony thinking their pain is something special; not to mention, I'd only been in active labor for 90 minutes at that point.  When asked if I wanted the epidural, I quickly explained that I needed to know how far along I was because last time, I didn't have time to get one.    After I said that, the nurse put on her gloves to check me, only to be shocked herself to realize I was fully dilated, my water ready to burst and little dude's head ready to go.  Yup.  I arrived, 90 minutes from my first contraction, fully dilated, and fighting to not push.  At that point things became fuzzy in an "all hands on deck" kind of way.  They urged me not to push, I agreed only out of sheer fear.  I hee hee hee'd through my contractions as best I could, but she explained that my doctor likely wasn't going to make it (but assured me he was speeding to try).  The on-call hospital doctor suited up for duty and got into position, only for my doctor to run in wearing his street clothes at the very last minute.  He got his gown and gloves on just in time for my inevitable inability to stop the baby from coming.  In one huge push, little Ben flew right into the world, 25 minutes from my arrival at the hospital.  He was 6lbs 7oz and 20 inches long (tall and skinny like Daddy).  Not only did we not have time to get an epidural or even an IV, I'm not even sure the nurses knew my name before I pushed him out! It was quite literally the MOST intense 2 hours of my life.  

I'm thankful for SO much about how this all went down.  I'm thankful it happened in the middle of the night, when Kenny was home and when the roads were empty (you know, so Kenny could do 75 up the highway without ever seeing another car, let alone shore traffic!).  Had the scenario played out during any other time of the day, I would almost surely not have made it (I'm not exaggerating, it really freaks me out how close I came to not getting to the hospital in time).  I'm thankful my doctor made it, even if by the skin of his teeth.  My practice has 8 doctors in total, all of whom are great, but the doctor on call happened to be my favorite of the team (and the odds of that are pretty slim since they rotate daily- each day I was there a different doctor from the practice checked on me).   While in theory it's amazing that I labored such a short time, it was very scary for me if not a bit traumatic; and his presence was the only bit of control I had left in a situation where I had none otherwise.  I'm thankful beyond belief that my little man was born a-okay with almost no monitoring through the process, that I got to spend my first 2 hours with him laying on my chest and nursing, and that so far, he seems to be a perfectly healthy, happy little boy.  I'm also thankful to have such an amazing family, by both blood and marriage, who not only helped us along the way, but who helped welcome our handsome little clone of my hubby into the world.  

A pretty funny side note of all of this?  The "spicy" wings?  Yeah--not spicy.  Not even remotely spicy LOL!  I guess he just decided Monday night was the night.  Although I knew it was coming sometime soon, it doesn't cease to baffle me that on Sunday I was strolling the beach with my family, and Monday I was hanging with the nug, and by Tuesday, our lives had changed entirely.  It's certainly been a whirlwind of a week.  I can feel my OCD creeping in, as I had assumed it would, but so far it doesn't seem nearly as bad.  This week has gone so fast I haven't even had time to upload all the pictures of him to the computer, so I'll be back on later today to photo bomb you all ;)  

Many thanks to all for the massive amounts of congratulations and well wishes!  We are SO blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives to share these moments with!!! :))  

An open letter to my daughter on the verge of being a big sister

Dearest little nug,

As you get older, you'll realize that there are going to be a lot of defining moments in your life.  There's the obvious ones, like graduations and weddings; but there are other kinds of moments...more subtle ones, that maybe you won't recognize at first, but they alter your life in a way you couldn't imagine.  That's what happened to me around this time 14 years ago...

It was July of 1998.  Just having turned 17,  I worked at Camp Arrowhead for my summer money and socialization.  I'd been going there since I was a kid, and when I was too old too attend, I started working there.  I'd had a lot of amazing experiences there...I made amazing summer friends, had my first boyfriends, my first breakups, and even first kisses; my very best and favorite summer memories are all at Camp Arrowhead.

It started out just like every other morning for me.  Your Uncle Mike was also a counselor, and we shared bus duties; since he was usually really tired (*cough*hungover*cough*), I handled the morning bus ride, and he handled the afternoons.  As our bus started up the huge hill to enter the camp, I had no way of knowing that on the way down that big hill, I'd see the boy that would eventually be my husband (and your Daddy!).  I will never forget that moment; I saw him at least 30 minutes before he ever laid eyes on me, since our bus dropped kids off and further descended down the hill to drop off the smallest kids at tot camp.  Yet there he was...the new guy, looking lost in a sea of excited elementary school kids, ready to play for the next 8 hours.  I watched him while the kids filed off the bus, looking around, having no clue that I spied him from a few hundred feet away.  I don't know why I remember that moment so clearly...maybe it's just coincidence, maybe some part of me knew, but I'll never forget it.  When I finally made my way up the hill to introduce myself, I had no clue the course of events I was setting in motion.  While nothing happened for a couple of months (aside from some innocent flirting and lots of phone conversations), by mid September we were officially a couple.

The last 14 years have been among the best, the worst, the most amazing and scariest of my life.  We had ups, downs, ins and outs, but through it all, we knew we wanted to spend our lives together, and I shudder to think what my life might be like if I hadn't been on the bus that day. What if he had decided not to work there?  What if I'd taken that week off for vacation?  Maybe we would have met the next day, but maybe it all would have happened differently.  Sure, maybe I'd be rich and successful and any number of things...but I wouldn't have him...and I wouldn't have you.

After 11 years together, you took our world by storm on December 13, 2009.  If we thought we knew love before that day, we were wrong...we had no clue how much we could love another person until you made us a family.  Watching you grow into the beautiful little person you've become has been an absolute privilege.  I really can't express in words how proud I am of you, to be your Mommy, to get to be a witness to all that you do.  You are so beautiful, and so full of life and gumption, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you came from me.  As you're only 2.5, you haven't had many (or maybe any) defining life moments yet...but you're about to have one.

For the last 2.5 years, you and I have had nothing but time.  Time to play, time to snuggle, time to learn and grow together; we've had lots of little adventures, you and I.  You've taught me what it takes to be a parent, and inspired me to to always try to be the best version of myself; I want you to be as proud of me as your Mother as I am proud of you as my daughter.  It's because of you, and how wonderful you are, that we decided to expand our family.  You brought so much love into our lives, we thought that giving you a sibling would only bring more.  Now that it's getting so close, we are so unbelievably excited to meet your little brother; but part of me feels so sad that our time alone is coming to a close.  I just want you to know how much I've loved this time together, just us; and to thank you, in case I forget later, for everything you've given us since you arrived.  Thank you for showing us how one little smile can light up our lives, that there's more important things than work or money, and that just when you think you can't love any more, you can.

In the next 3 weeks, if we're lucky and all goes well, a lot is going to change for us.  We'll love and welcome another person into our family, and you'll have that defining moment I was talking about. The course of things are going to be a little different for you now with a little sibling around.  While we won't be able to travel as freely or have as much extra time for just us, I really think you're going to like your new role as big sister.  I really don't know what is in store for you, I've never been a big sister, but I think you'll handle it just fine.

As for me, as we're about to have another big event in our lives together, it's hard for me not to flash back to that moment in 1998 when I saw Daddy the first time.  I'll be forever grateful I got on that bus to work that day...the bus ride that changed my life.  While all of my defining moments haven't been as wonderful, I can only hope for you that one day, you leave your house, and without you knowing, your life changes in an amazing, unbelievable way.

We love you SO so much little girl...more than I could ever say.

Love forever and always,

Mommy

Birthday Blitz!

The perks of one of your best friends working for the Blueclaws

Happy (belated) birthday to me!  It's official, I am in my second year of my 30's!  So far, I can't complain- I kicked it off with a fabulous breakfast with my hubs and little girl; and, well, quite the bump on my torso.  That's right, we're seeing the light at the tunnel, folks, and not a minute too soon, since I'm not really sure how much more growing my poor belly can take.  With the nug, I carried low, and everrrrywhereee; this little fellow has been kind to the rest of my body, but my belly button is so popped out it kind of feels like it might just pop right off!  This is something we never thought would happen- since it never popped with Cam, and my belly button sans baby is generally so deep my husband has been known to refer to it as the black hole (seriously, it's kind of ridiculous...if it doesn't go back in after the little guy comes out it might end up looking like a third, saggy boob).

Deep fried PBJ? Yes, please!

With two days left of our staycation, I have to say, I'm a wee bit burnt out.  Having never been super pregnant in the summer before (I was pregnant with Cam in the summer, but in the beginning stages, before your inner oven is permanently turned up to 500 degrees), I didn't know how hard it would be to get around in the summer heat.  Of course, we also had a heat wave this weekend (impeccable timing, if I do say so myself), meaning we couldn't really do much that didn't involve a beachy breeze or swimming pool.  While our plans to hit the track were kiboshed, we made it to the NJ Fair, the pool club (a few times), the beach, a baseball game AND had a family pajama party/movie day in the basement.  With all this going on, my big body is TIRED, and tired of running around- so this morning I decided it was high time to take it easy in my air-conditioned living room.  Of course, we plan to get to the boardwalk later, but I think after a couple of hours on the couch I'll be recharged enough to enjoy some ice cream and a stroll on the planks.

Anyone remember this from BIG?

That said, I've been nesting like crazy!  I guess at just under 36 weeks that's to be expected.  It seems in my (limited) down time this weekend, all I've wanted to do is buy things for the little guy, wash his clothes, and bake.  As we speak, I have the hubs checking tasks off of his "honey-do" list, and plan to join him shortly.  I know, I know, I said NO chores! But, considering I'm almost 36 weeks and had nothing done for this kid prior to this weekend, I think I get a pass on a few hours of focus for him.  Not to mention, we have fun stuff planned the rest of of the week AND the weekend.

As far as how I'm feeling- I guess the best way to describe it is uncomfortable, but not miserable...yet.  I'm not going to lie, I'm getting there, and knowing I could have 5 more weeks is a little unnerving, but in the long run, 5 weeks is a short amount of time (you know, in comparison to the rest of your life with a happy, healthy child- God willing).  I think what I find most frustrating is that I can't move my body the way I could just a couple of months ago.  I really shouldn't complain, I stayed comfortably active through the majority of the pregnancy, and the last few weeks (especially in summer) are known to be a bitch (pardon my French).  Yet when I'm trying to walk the dog and I want to pick up the pace, my body just.won't.go.  I'm sure it knows better than me what it needs (and doesn't need), but it still bothers me.

On a serious note...I'm struggling with feeling like I'm not being a good mom to the nug.  Six months ago I could keep up with her, get on the ground to play with her, have patience and energy for her...and now, I just...don't.  And I feel terrible about it (tearing up even talking about it).  The hubs keeps telling me to cut myself some slack; I'm very pregnant, very big and always overheated, but I can sense her disappointment when she wants me to chase her around the house or playground and I can't do it.  I'm beyond fortunate to have SO much help; between our two families, my daughter never goes without attention, affection or playmates (seriously...never), but I miss being me (and I think she misses "me," too).  Of course, I know this is a temporary condition, and one that I'm grateful to have, I'm just getting to the point of "ready" to not be there anymore (not exactly there, but around the corner, sure enough).  I'm starting to think it's God's plan to make you so uncomfortable at the end of pregnancy that you're happy to endure labor to have it be over.  Between my insane excitement at meeting my son, and my desire to be back to being normal old "Mommy" to my daughter, I've never been so excited in anticipation of extreme pain.

Being that I'll be full term in one week (say WHAT?), part of me has decided to succumb to my body's desire to sit on my big caboose.  Yes, I'm sad I can't play as much; for sure, I'm bummed that tying my shoe laces feels like an Olympic event, but being me, sitting around and pouting about it isn't really my style.  Instead, I'll sit around and try to enjoy it.  Sitting isn't really my "thing" in general, but with a B&N gift card I just got for my birthday (THANKS SIL!), and the fun marathons all over TV lately (The Hills AND Buffy are on right now- can we say DVR? WHOOPEE!), I'm going to do my best to bide my time before I have two funny little critters to corral.

With that, I'm going to get off said big caboose, and hang some of my son's teeeeeeny tiny newborn clothes.  I hope everyone is having a fab 4th of July week!

Vacation Shmaycation- try a STAYCATION!

I don't know about you guys, but once summer hits, it seems I start to need weekends for my weekends!  Every year, the hubby and I lament how it seems we never have a free weekend; between BBQ's, family time, birthday parties, beach and pool dates, and this summer, trying to get ready for our little fellow, we're already booked up until I'm due!

We've been talking endlessly (since January...YES, JANUARY!) about doing a family vacation.  Unfortunately, a little thing called life got in the way.  Some unexpected busy-ness at the hub's job staved off an almost booked trip to Disney World in Feb/March.  Deciding to have our bathroom remodeled put off a much looked into beach vacation in April/May, and our family road trip to Michigan squashed all thought of a week in Wildwood in mid-June.  Now that it's juuuuust about July, and I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant, any promise of traveling before the little dude arrives is out of the question.  At first I was bummed (we travel a lot, so going 8 months without packing the big suitcase for a week is a decent stretch for us); but after an overnight at my mom's house last week I realized that traveling with the nug is getting hard.  Like, really hard.  Like packing a duffel bag for me, a mini suitcase for her, a pool bag, a beach bag, all supplies for both activities (blankets, toys, floaties, enough suits, regular diapers, swim diapers, sunscreen, sun hats...), toiletries for both of us and other miscellaneous items, for a ONE NIGHT stay, just felt crazy.  And that's the easiest kind of stay considering I didn't have to supply beach chairs, umbrellas or house toys (since my mom has all of that for us at her house).

That's when we decided to finally  jump on this trend of staycations.  There's a lot of reasons people take them these days (rising costs of flying, gas prices, the economy, and so on),  but for some reason we never thought to try it ourselves.  Considering we live in an area FILLED with tourist destinations, it's pretty silly that we haven't!  So, what does one do on a staycation?  Apparently, just about ANYTHING except chores or work- sounds like fun, to me!  I've been doing a lot of research on them for an upcoming article on staycations for Miss A (due out next week), and it seems you can do anything from host a cocktail party to a family decathlon in the back yard.

As for us, with so much in our area (central NJ, about 45 minutes out of Manhattan and 30 minutes to the best local non-BENNY beach- BENNY's being folks who are from out of town- say Northern NJ or some area of NY who don't stay but clog up the parkways and parking lots every.single.weekend in the summer), narrowing the list was tough.  Of course, toddler friendly is an absolute must (it drives me batty when people take small kids to events inappropriate for their ages and don't understand why the poor, bored kids are misbehaving).  So here's what we've got so far:

* The beach/boardwalk/aquarium:  This is a no-brainer in NJ, especially for beach lovers like ourselves.  We especially enjoy getting to the beach early in the morning (around 7 am, when you still need a sweatshirt and can enjoy a cup of hot coffee and a bagel while the sand heats up), and leaving before the real heat sets in...and crowds!  Our favorite local beach also has a swing set; so when we take the nug for a beach walk, she gets a little play break in the middle of our shell collecting.  Pt.Pleasant Boardwalk (about 10 minutes further from said favorite local beach) is the family version of the one you see on Jersey Shore- lots of kiddie rides, games and family attractions.  The boardwalk is also home to a wonderful little aquarium with a touch tank and lots of colorful fish, sharks, penguins, sea lions and alligators.

* 4th of July fireworks:  Since this is the first year that the nug could really appreciate them, I was so bummed that the Red Bank fireworks (a HUGE display run by the same company that does the Macy's fireworks in NYC) were canceled.  Sadly, many of the local fireworks have been put off for 2012 in light of increasing costs and diminishing donations; leaving our options a little bit limited for a first time fireworks outing. Luckily, the above mentioned favorite beach still has theirs, making for a fun night out with dinner, evening beach snuggles and a sky lit up with colorful explosions.

*The pool: Since we already belong to a pool club, it wouldn't make sense not to utilize it during our down time on our staycation.  Not to mention, the nug has a few little friends there she loves seeing!

* A local ball game:  For us this is the Lakewood Blue Claws.  First Energy Park in Lakewood is one of the  most family/kid friendly venues I've ever been to- with a large playground right above the seating stands, fun characters running around and a host of on-field, in-between innings games (like hula hoop contests or races).  They also have a post-game fireworks display every weekend!

* The NJ Fair:  Okay, I'll admit it, this has been one of my favorite -alright, my absolute favorite- thing to do to kick off summer every year.  Well before the nug came along, I've loved going to this fair since they have kind of everything a regular fair has, but tenfold.  Rides, games, food, and attractions- you definitely get your money's worth. Amongst their many attractions, they have a hypnotist show that is great, a BMX bike show, a petting zoo, a big cat show, shark show, racing pigs and if you want you can pay to ride in the original Batcopter (as in the Batman helicopter).  They also have carnival like attractions (a small circus, the world's smallest woman and horse, psychics and caricature artists), and my personal favorite, the candy tent.  It's basically a pay per pound candy store with all of my childhood favorites!  It's a can't miss for me, and definitely fits in well with our "vacation at home" theme.

*The Liberty State Science Center:  With Saturday being the kick off of 4th of July week, southbound any highway is no place I want to go (which means no beach or local attractions anywhere NEAR a beach).  That in mind, we wanted to pick someplace to go that was indoors, and north of where we live.  While we could always head into NYC, the city in summer heat is no vacation in my book.  The Liberty State Science Center, known for it's hands on exhibits, is a great place for the nug to get a little introduction science.  While it *might* not keep her attention the whole day, it will be a fun segue into going to museums.

*Monmouth Park:  On Sunday we'll be having a day at the races!  We have invited our friends and family to meet us at the track for a day of betting on horses and hanging out.  I know I've mentioned this before, but this particular track (on Sundays especially) is extremely family friendly.  With a playground, free face painting, pony rides, bounce houses and live music, there's not a chance your kids will get bored.  Not to mention, it's wallet friendly, too!  At $3.00 an adult (kids under 12 are free), and the ability to bring in your own coolers of food/drinks (alcohol included), you can choose to spend as much or as little as you want.

Alternates/down time extras:

* The zoo: While we do have the Bronx Zoo well within driving distance, we have a couple of terrific zoos even closer.  If we find we have some extra time, we'll definitely be heading to one of them since the nug is a HUGE lover of animals.

* All day movie fest: In case of inclement weather, I'll be stocking up on family movies and snacks so we can have an all day movie/play/snuggle fest in our basement.

* Family dinner night: experimenting with some new recipes in the kitchen where we can all get involved!

*BIRTHDAY CAKE! Yup- my 31st birthday has quickly approached with my barely noticing.  It feels like weeks ago I was writing about how anxious I was on the eve of my 30th birthday; and here we are already, a year later.  While last year the hubs sprung for an amazing, long 4th of July weekend at a beach house on LBI with sand, friends, family and lots of tasty drinks to ring in my 30th, my 31st will be decidedly more low key.  Almost full term with nuggest #2 (God willing and the creek don't rise), I'll be happy to be able to waddle around on our staycation!  We might spring for a dinner sans original nug, but other than that, no big plans in the works.

I have to say, it's been an absolute WHIRLWIND of a first year in my 30's.  Fun with friends, a couple of trips, and a baby on the way, I definitely can't complain (yet).  Hopefully it's not just beginner's luck; if the rest of my 30's go as well as my first year, I might even be happy to hit 40 just to see what happens next (I said *might*).

Since we have this fun staycation planned for next weekend, I have a lot to get done (who wants to do chores on vacation???).  Keep a look out for my article on Miss A next week for a ton more staycation ideas and tips for making it successful! Happy Tuesday!

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Last Sunday was Father's day, and as such, I tried my best to show my hubs my massive amounts of appreciation for his being a rock-star Dad.  Of course, I try to do this all the time (I believe that if you're only good to your spouses on holidays and birthdays, you probably need some relationship re-tooling), but since it was a holiday, I did try to spoil him (as best a 33 week pregnant, waddley woman, can).  I spent the morning whipping up challah french toast and bacon (a fan favorite in our house), and spent the afternoon at the track with the in-laws.  While I'm sure this conjures up some picture of bored kids while Dad cheers on horses with a cigar in his mouth, rest assured the track here is beyond family friendly with playgrounds, face painting, pony rides, and bounce houses...and my husband doesn't smoke cigars ;)  I also went in cahoots with MILly to coordinate a golf weekend getaway for FIL and the hubs later in the fall in the hopes that he'd enjoy the mini-break from work and the hectic-ness that will (likely) come with two kids;  or, at the very least, catch up on some sleep.

I know I often mention what a great dad I think the hubs is, but in all seriousness, he really is a terrific father.  While I could always say something like, "there's so many deadbeats out there and he's not one," I think the comparison is insulting.   He's not trying to not be a deadbeat, and frankly, it isn't him to be a deadbeat (at being a father or anything else in life).  He's just being him...a good guy, good husband, good daddy.  My appreciation for his efforts have little to do with the fact that there seems to be an increase of absentee fathers, but more because I didn't have such a great relationship with my own dad.

I've thought a lot lately about how my life might have been different had my relationship been different with my father.  My daughter has a lot of my childhood personality in her...she's pushy, she's vivacious, she's extremely strong willed and very energetic (sleep is a 4 letter word to this kid).  I was met with a lot of anger and frustration on my father's part...he couldn't quite handle me, and said a lot of terrible things (I can only hope he regretted them, since "I'm sorry" were not words that were big in his vocabulary).  Sure, kids are resilient, they can rebound from tough situations, but when it comes to their parents, they'll never forget.  I've written a lot about how I forgive my dad for the things he said and did over the years, but I'll always remember being a pint sized 6 year old being told he wished I'd never been born.  I'll never forget being told that if he and my mom divorced, it'd be my fault (and being me, I wished it were true, since it meant he'd be moving out...), and I'll always feel sad for the little nug that I was, being constantly thrust into the middle of my parent's marital spouts.  When I didn't agree with my dad (which was pretty much always), the put downs were inevitable.  Somehow, he never quite bullied me into submission, but I eventually lost the confidence I exuded as a child; convinced no one liked me (who could, if my own father didn't?), feeling low, it took me a very long time to learn to be "me" again.  And even now, I struggle with it.

A girl's relationship with her father is paramount in her life. While every girl who isn't loved by her father isn't destined to work a pole (obviously), there have been recent studies that even links horseplay with fathers to a girl's confidence through her life.  To be truthful, I didn't quite realize how important it was until I had my own daughter.  I always knew I was missing out in the Daddy/daughter relationship arena; I envied girls who had dads who doted on them, who encouraged them to do better in life than they had, who enjoyed them.  I never quite grasped what a difference it could make on a girl's life to have that connection; but once I saw my daughter's face light up at the sight of her father, it clicked.  He'll be the first man in her life to show her how a man should treat a woman.  He'll demonstrate not only how she should be treated, but how they should conduct themselves.  He'll be the first man to tell her he loves her, kiss her tears away, and support and encourage her through any of her endeavors.  That's why I'm so grateful my daughter has my husband for a father; not because he's such a great daddy (although he is), but because he's so much more.  He's a great husband- the kind who is my best friend.  The kind where it feels weird to not talk to him a hundred times a day about anything and everything, who let's me know he appreciates me as much as I do, him.  He's a hard worker, he's close with his family, he holds doors for strangers every.single.time he walks in or out of a building, and he's smart, to boot (brains are kind of my "thing").  

As far as good examples go, my daughter has it made.  I could be jealous, I suppose, but the truth is, while it's not the same relationship, he was the first to do all those things for me, too.  I guess you could say she and I both got pretty lucky.  That's not to say that all my issues magically disappeared because I lucked out with a great husband; but that fact alone goes to show that even in the best of outcomes, lacking a good father figure could affect you for life.  That's why I would urge any man out there to not stop at being a good father, but being a good person.  No one is perfect; we all have our moments where we lose our cool, but remember this: while they may forgive you for things you say and do in the heat of anger or frustration, they probably won't ever forget.  I know I never did.

Road Trippin'

Last weekend was a crazy, fast weekend for us C's (as apparently this week was, since it's already Friday)!  On Thursday morning, bright and early, I had a 32 week ultrasound on the little man (he's still an adorable, chubby cheeked clone of my hubby), and immediately from there left for a road trip to Michigan to visit the hubby's cousins.  The ride out wasn't so bad- the novelty of having snacks and toys thrown her way every 10 minutes kept the nug happy.   We even stopped about 4 hours short of our destination to spend the night at a hotel with an indoor pool  (which the nug thought was pretty much the coolest thing ever).  Since we made it out there in good spirits and unscathed, we thought we had it made...

But a funny thing happened last weekend in the magical land of Michigan.  My daughter...my sweet, snuggly, tender daughter, seemingly turned into a teenager overnight.  Now, I know she's really not a teenager, but I'm pretty sure it's considered teen aged behavior to yell "STOP TALKING!" when your father is reprimanding you.  You read that right.  As my husband was explaining to her why she shouldn't be putting her feet up on the iPad, she copped an attitude.  That tude she dished out was 100% vintage Megan.  On one hand, it's a little unnerving having proved my mother right (she always warned me that I'd have a daughter like me someday), on the other, I'm kind of finding it hilarious.  In that moment, jaws dropped, I had to give my husband the "don't you DARE laugh right now" look of death, and bite into my own lip to keep from smiling myself in order to tell her it wasn't nice to talk to Mommy and Daddy (or anyone) like that.  I'm sure it was the first of many times we'll have to turn our faces away so she can't see our amusement at her emerging vivacity.  On the bright side, she was mostly fabulous sharing attention with her new baby cousin; we realized the problem we'll likely have when little man comes is that she'll want to help TOO much.  I'm not really expecting her enthusiasm to stick around very long once she realizes that our new little C won't be gone after 48 hours, but I'm happy to see that she at least didn't seem to find the prospect of Mommy paying attention to another baby as problematic.

While the actual road trip was uneventful (and the weekend awesome), sitting in the car for a total of 22-23 hours over the course of 4 days didn't bode well for my big bellied body.  Since the little guy is pretty much spread eagle all over my short torso, sitting for long periods can be extremely uncomfortable.  Not to mention, while we thought we were totally prepared, loading 6, 24 minute episodes of her favorite TV shows on the iPad proved to be more trouble than it was worth (as in the giant preggo having to lean back into the back seat every 24 minutes to start a new show).  While I might try this road trip thing again in a few years, it definitely won't be happening again any time soon.

In other news, the school year is officially over.  At first I was really looking forward to this; her afternoon classes made for late naps (and even later bedtimes), so I figured once school was done I could get the nug on a better sleep schedule.  Except I forgot how much I reaaaaallly look forward to those four hours a week.  They gave me time to write, tidy up after one of her morning tornados through the living room, or, most important, get a mani/pedi!  Although, it's kind of nice that for the next few weeks (as in the last few weeks we have together as a trio- GULP!), we won't be on anyone's schedule but our own.  Even though it's getting much harder for me to get around, I am determined to make this next month or two amazing (yes...I *could* have a baby in as few as 4 weeks, although I'm anticipating more like 6, 7 if he's stubborn). I refuse to let my big, waddling, hobbily behind sit around while there are beaches to visit, pools to swim in, and fun to be had!  It might take me longer to do it (seriously, I think a snail would beat me in a race at the moment), but I am going to do it ;)

As for my Pinterest challenge, it begins TODAY!  I've spent a bit of time scouring the site and although I really still don't get the hype, I'm going to do my best to utilize it.  I'll let you know how it's going!  It should be interesting to give it a go now that the nug's spring activities are all over  AND she's been refusing to nap.  In the mean time, feel free to check out my latest article on Miss A about keeping your family's skin safe in the summer!

Haute Mama Mayhem

In case you missed it recently, I happily announced that I am a contributing writer for the women's e-magazine, Miss A!  Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can confess that I've been a little quieter than usual because I have been working on my first few articles.  It was one of those opportunities I kind of just stumbled upon, but was so unbelievably excited about once presented.  Everyone I've "met" (and by "met" I mean talked over e-mail with) so far seems amazing, and I am REALLY looking forward to being a part of their team.  I really hope anyone reading checks out their site,  and enjoys reading all they have to offer.  

That doesn't mean I'll be neglecting my personal blog here (at least I hope it doesn't)- it just means I'll have an awesome place to write about some different topics.  Being a sahm, 7-8 months pregnant, starting to "really" write, and toss in, say, life in general...methinks things are about to get interesting.

With all of my recent Internet research for Miss A, one thing has come up consistently that I'm just not getting: Pinterest.  I've known about this fad for a while now- people pin things they like, almost like a scrap book of recipes, how to's, and inspirational ideas; but somehow, I still just don't "get" it.  Maybe it's because I'm not a scrapbook-er of any kind.  My recipe box is filled with cards growing dust since before my wedding, and Cam's baby book, well, I'm embarrassed to admit it still has the sticker on it- totally untouched.  Maybe it's because I'm a lover of quick Internet searches via google, and enjoy mashing up 4 recipes to make up my own.  Whatever the reason, I'm just not understanding the hype.  But my question to myself is, can THAT many people be wrong about something?  Maybe I'm not getting the love for it, but it's so popular that it's hard to ignore that maybe they're seeing something I'm not.  Smell a challenge? Your nose is spot on! Next week, I am going to use Pinterest.  I mean REALLY use it...I will pin and use recipes.  I will pin and use how to's.  I will attempt to make my own pins.  Maybe, by the end of the week, I'll magically fall in love with this virtual pin board and happily retract my former misunderstandings, or maybe I still just won't get it.  Either way, I look forward to giving it a shot.  

In the mean time, writing aside, the hubs and I have been joking that we're going to be running around like chickens with our heads cut off until the little man arrives.  In the next week alone, we have 3 doctor appointments between us, I have a lunch with the school moms, we are driving to Michigan and back for a family visit, AND we have a maternity photo shoot.  Yes...all that, in the next 7 days (not to mention preparation for all of the above).  All that to do, when all I REALLY want to do is sleep.  Of course, with so much going on, I'm in the throes of the third trimester sleepies.  Not only am I simply tired because he's growing (and I'm growing), but his insistence on residing across my ribs has been causing some seriously uncomfortable sleeping (or not sleeping, I should say).  This is kind of new for me, since I didn't have quite as much discomfort with the nug- but then again, she was super pint sized.  I'm kind of convinced he might already weigh now what she did when she was born (it certainly feels that way!).  It makes for interesting sleep times...my bed looks like a pillow fortress.  I'm pretty sure by the end of the night, my poor hubs is left with half a pillow to rest his head while I have 4-5 under my head and back, and a boppy that starts out wedged under my belly but ends up, well, elsewhere.  

One thing is for sure, it's going to be a crazy couple of months.  With lots planned, lots to get done, a wacky nug along for the ride and a little boy due to arrive in FIVE to EIGHT WEEKS, it's going to be a doozy of a summer-- I can't flippin' wait!  Feel free to go to Miss A's Haute Mama section to check out my current articles and some great articles by other talented Mama's.  There are some great sections on charity, fashion, beauty and local sections, too!  Have a great week!