I'm baaaaaack! New Year and a "motherlode" of goals!

It's been 3 (yes, THREE!) months since Kenny's successful awake craniotomy, but I have to say, it feels much longer.  We settled into family life much faster than I had anticipated, and while sometimes I worry that I've lulled myself into a false sense of security, it's a risk I'm willing to take for the time being.  What else can I do?  My constant worry about every.little.thing. isn't doing anyone any good anyhow.  So, instead, I've refocused my efforts into getting our act together in 2013 (which mostly revolves around my kids). 

So about two years ago, when I was gearing up to turn 30 (::sigh::, when I was a still spry 29 year old), I started this blog because I wanted to challenge myself to try new things.  Cam was a little more than a year old, and she, and life, were generally easy.  I tried new recipes, new drinks, went new places and did my best to adhere to "the list."  I didn't complete it, but I enjoyed the "challenge" and feeling of accomplishment of some personal goals.  At the time, Cam's needs were simple.  She needed love, and snuggles, and some attention.  Flash forward two years, and obviously things are different now- not only because life has become a bit more complicated, but because we have a second child, too.  I don't have time to make 25 ingredient meals or spend hours every day at the gym. I wish I remembered what it was like to go to the movies or even have time (at this point) to take an extra long shower by myself.  I guess my point is that two years ago, I had the luxury of my personal goals being, well, personal.  

Today?  My biggest goals are all mom related (or really, kid related).  Not only has Cam hit the terrible 3's with hurricane force, she's had a really tough 6 months, something we only realized recently.  In July, our little trio lived a happy-go-lucky, easy existence.  We had, earlier in the year, moved her from our room (she slept with us the bulk of her life) and I had weaned her from extended nursing (which I've talked about before).  It was tough (or at least it felt tough at the time), but she handled it with gusto.  By the second week of August she had a baby brother and slept on a pullout couch at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  Kenny and I were constantly disappearing for doctor  appointments, and then he was gone (from her world) for the better part of two weeks, where he came home with a big "boo boo" on his head.  Of course, when all was well, we moved back home, where she finally felt the effects of being a big sister (since there were no longer 5 adults around all the time).

I know things could have been worse (by far).  I know we are incredibly lucky and fortunate and every adjective possible that means "Thank the effing God(s?) above my husband is mostly tumor free and had a rock star recovery."  But my girl got lost in the shuffle of getting Ken to where he is now, and now it's her time to get back on track (well, everyone's, but at the moment, she needs the most attention).  We did a lot of overcompensating.  A lot of TV watching and fruit snacks were had to appease the daughter who we felt we neglected for 3 months, and we created a monster.  An angry, clingy, non sleeping monster.  I realized at the very tail end of the year that spoiling her was doing no good; not for us and most definitely not for her.  That's when we decided 2013 is the year we try our damnedest to get ourselves together. Our end goals are simple...health and happiness.  We always say that, don't we?  We wish ourselves and everyone a healthy and happy new year?  Well, we are putting our money where our mouths are.  

Sounds easy, right?  Yeah...ok.  That's why I'm throwing down the gauntlet (ie. challenging myself to these tasks on my blog so I am shamed into following through).  I'll break it down for you: I want my kids happy.  I want them healthy.  I want me healthy, happy and getting enough "me" time that I don't cringe when I hear Ben stirring or Cam calling for me when I'm two sips into my morning cup of coffee.  I want Kenny healthy, and into the best work/life balance possible.  I want time with friends, time with our kids, time alone and time to get back to life.  We need gym time, playground time, nap time, book time and snuggle time. Things aren't going to be what they used to be, but they can still be great.  Obviously this is going to take a lot of baby steps...

To start, we began using a sticker board of every day accomplishments we'd like Cam to achieve, like sleeping by herself, not having accidents in her underwear (she often will wait so long she goes a tiny drop and then tells us she has to go), cleaning up her toys, eating her fruits and vegetables, and not throwing tantrums.  The first week felt hopeless, but finally it sank in (and seems to be working at least for a few of the things).  We have cut out unnecessary sugar (she was none too happy about the lack of fruit snacks and Gerber snacks), amped up her fruit and veggie intake, reduced her TV time (like by A LOT), and are upping our efforts to get her outside to play more.  It's only been a few weeks, but we can see a huge difference in her attitude already.  Thank God...it was getting hairy there for a bit.  As for Ben, luckily his needs are still pretty minimal.  He's still sleeping in our room (the APA recommends babies sleep in the same room as their parents until 6 months of age, I know most people don't really go that long but he's not really interrupting anyone's sleep so we're fine with this), but I do plan to move him to his room in the coming months (something that didn't happen with Cam until she was almost 2.5).  

As for Ken and I- he's began what will likely be his work schedule for the foreseeable future (commuting 2 days a week and working from home 3).  He's still navigating how to be at his most effective for work while he's at home (I've mentioned before how he genuinely enjoys work and his job, so he really strives to do well- always looking for ways to improve himself); but he says he thinks he's getting there.  We've made our bedroom his office; inclusive of a desk facing the window and a new computer on it's way (something about needing a giant monitor so he can have multiple applications open at once...I'm usually doing something domestic like wrangling wiggly kids into their clothes when he's explaining such things).  I keep the kids mostly out of his way for the bulk of the day (with the exception of when I need to get dressed), and he enjoys that he gets enough rest and can work late without having to still commute 90+ minutes afterward.  The days he goes in are like a treat- since no cars are necessary to get around in NY he feels some independence and gets to be amongst co-worker (ahem, adults- I'd be lying if I said I wasn't moderately jealous on that point...).  We are trying to plan some nights out (and one away) so we can start getting time alone to talk about things other than who pooped, who ate, and who bathed (the kids, not us, get your heads out of the gutter).  

I, personally, am still pretty much at square 1.  Other than a new obsession with Gossip Girl, that Kenny and I watch on Netflix most nights after the kids have gone down, I don't have much (if any) time alone to do things like exercise; but I AM eating better (I actually have all 3 of us solid food eating Courtneys' on an immune boosting diet of lean meats and lots of fruits and veggies).  I'll get there, but it's all par for the course with everything.  I'm (obviously) trying to find some time to write, but with Kenny still using the family computer most days, until the new work computer arrives I'll settle for whenever I can get.  Since I'm fairly certain the gym and I will remain merely acquaintances for the coming few months (until cold and flu season is mostly over and I feel okay putting Ben in their daycare), I'm focusing my personal goals on getting our house/schedules organized and in-sync.  By the end of February, I'd like my house to be a well oiled machine.  Right now, disaster area is an understatement- but with a little elbow grease and a lot of purging, I think 2 months is a good end goal for getting it looking better and feeling easier to stay on top of.  (PS- have I mentioned how ecstatic I am to be talking about normal things???  I could squeal....seriously).  I hope to check in again soon! 

You know you love me. XOXO,

Gossip Girl. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)

(not so) Big Ben has arrived!

 My little man is here, and I could NOT be more in love!

As of late last week, I wasn't quite getting the feeling that little dude was in any rush to vacate my tummy.  I resolved myself to it, actually, and felt pretty okay with the idea that I might be going into August still pregnant.  The hubby and I kicked off the weekend by seeing the new Batman movie in IMAX (aside from recent tragedies causing us to continually glance at the Exit sign, the movie was awesome), and letting the nug have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's house so we could have a quiet night alone.  It was SO gorgeous out on Saturday, we picked her up and spent the afternoon at the pool club, and Sunday we had a family beach day that could not have been more perfect.  I even joined the hubby on a lengthy beach walk, feeling good and confident that little man wasn't going anywhere.  

As of Monday morning at 9 am, I was the most pregnant I'd ever been (38 weeks 4 days).  I still wasn't feeling particularly antsy, but knowing the lover of Old Wives Tales that I am (anyone remember all of my sex of the baby tests???), decided to use a few of the more "silly" ones to see if we could coax the little guy out.  Truthfully, the hubs and I were just using it as an excuse to eat out every night and get all the yummy, spicy, not so great for you foods we've been trying to avoid because, well, they're not so good for you!  We even plotted out restaurants to eat at every night(no way he was letting me  have all the yummy food fun!).  Monday we'd have wings, Tuesday we planned to have a spicy beef dish we love at a local Thai restaurant, Wednesday was going to be Indian food night, and so on.  Except, we only got through Monday...

Monday, with the heat settling back in over NJ (apparently NJ was mistaken for Hades this summer), I decided I didn't want to keep the nug sitting in the house once again (I spent all of last week shutting us in the a/c), and took her to the local mall.  The mall near us may as well be Disney World for her- between the choo choo train that runs downstairs, the horse carousel in the food court upstairs, the Disney store and the build-a-bear shop, the mall is an absolute wonderland to a 2.5 year old.  We spent the afternoon enjoying some pizza, rides and strolling around; in retrospect it was a really great "last day" alone together--she was so well behaved and we had such a great time.  Not long after we got home, the hubs arrived and we took her to Houlihan's because I love their buffalo wings (my first spicy food test!).  We enjoyed our little trio time (inclusive of dessert, of course), and after we got home, we all seemed to pass out in record time...but the labor Gods had something else in mind for me Monday night.

I woke up with a quick, sharp pain at 1230 am- but any woman 9 months pregnant knows that sometimes, when you're unknowingly turning over in your sleep, you're certainly prone to sudden sharp pains.  Nothing followed: no contractions, no tightness, no nothing- and I quickly fell back to sleep.  Then at 1, another sharp pain.  This time I knew this wasn't the typical, middle of the night adjustment pain, and I quickly realized that I was not only labor, but my contractions were already only 6 minutes apart.  Since I'd had the nug so quickly, my doctor told me to call him after the first few consistent contractions, after 3 of them that were 6 minutes apart (and the most intense things I'd ever felt), I woke K about 1:30, told him I was calling the doctor, and to call his mother.  Of course, the answering service first had to call the doctor and have him call me back, but being in as much pain as I was, I knew there was no way I wasn't going- I quickly packed the last of my items and waited for K's mom to arrive to stay with the nug.  Thank the lord in Heaven she arrived as quickly as she did, and that K already had the car running and waiting to go.  The 30 minute ride to the hospital was excruciating, with me mostly trying to keep myself calm.  Although I'd told myself the whole pregnancy that I'd wanted to go natural the way I had with the nug, this pain was so much more intense than I could have imagined, with little relief in between.  I promised myself if I made it to the hospital without wetting myself, I'd treat my body to the epidural.  

When I finally got to the hospital, I couldn't even lift myself out of the car.  Thankfully (seriously, I will use that word about 500 more times before this story is over...), a nurse happened to be sitting outside of the ER on her break and noticed my inability to move.  She quickly retrieved a wheelchair, and she wheeled me right up to L&D.  At first the nurses took their sweet time getting things going; I tried to express my agony, but being L&D nurses, I'm pretty sure they are used to women in agony thinking their pain is something special; not to mention, I'd only been in active labor for 90 minutes at that point.  When asked if I wanted the epidural, I quickly explained that I needed to know how far along I was because last time, I didn't have time to get one.    After I said that, the nurse put on her gloves to check me, only to be shocked herself to realize I was fully dilated, my water ready to burst and little dude's head ready to go.  Yup.  I arrived, 90 minutes from my first contraction, fully dilated, and fighting to not push.  At that point things became fuzzy in an "all hands on deck" kind of way.  They urged me not to push, I agreed only out of sheer fear.  I hee hee hee'd through my contractions as best I could, but she explained that my doctor likely wasn't going to make it (but assured me he was speeding to try).  The on-call hospital doctor suited up for duty and got into position, only for my doctor to run in wearing his street clothes at the very last minute.  He got his gown and gloves on just in time for my inevitable inability to stop the baby from coming.  In one huge push, little Ben flew right into the world, 25 minutes from my arrival at the hospital.  He was 6lbs 7oz and 20 inches long (tall and skinny like Daddy).  Not only did we not have time to get an epidural or even an IV, I'm not even sure the nurses knew my name before I pushed him out! It was quite literally the MOST intense 2 hours of my life.  

I'm thankful for SO much about how this all went down.  I'm thankful it happened in the middle of the night, when Kenny was home and when the roads were empty (you know, so Kenny could do 75 up the highway without ever seeing another car, let alone shore traffic!).  Had the scenario played out during any other time of the day, I would almost surely not have made it (I'm not exaggerating, it really freaks me out how close I came to not getting to the hospital in time).  I'm thankful my doctor made it, even if by the skin of his teeth.  My practice has 8 doctors in total, all of whom are great, but the doctor on call happened to be my favorite of the team (and the odds of that are pretty slim since they rotate daily- each day I was there a different doctor from the practice checked on me).   While in theory it's amazing that I labored such a short time, it was very scary for me if not a bit traumatic; and his presence was the only bit of control I had left in a situation where I had none otherwise.  I'm thankful beyond belief that my little man was born a-okay with almost no monitoring through the process, that I got to spend my first 2 hours with him laying on my chest and nursing, and that so far, he seems to be a perfectly healthy, happy little boy.  I'm also thankful to have such an amazing family, by both blood and marriage, who not only helped us along the way, but who helped welcome our handsome little clone of my hubby into the world.  

A pretty funny side note of all of this?  The "spicy" wings?  Yeah--not spicy.  Not even remotely spicy LOL!  I guess he just decided Monday night was the night.  Although I knew it was coming sometime soon, it doesn't cease to baffle me that on Sunday I was strolling the beach with my family, and Monday I was hanging with the nug, and by Tuesday, our lives had changed entirely.  It's certainly been a whirlwind of a week.  I can feel my OCD creeping in, as I had assumed it would, but so far it doesn't seem nearly as bad.  This week has gone so fast I haven't even had time to upload all the pictures of him to the computer, so I'll be back on later today to photo bomb you all ;)  

Many thanks to all for the massive amounts of congratulations and well wishes!  We are SO blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives to share these moments with!!! :))  

Haute Mama Mayhem

In case you missed it recently, I happily announced that I am a contributing writer for the women's e-magazine, Miss A!  Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can confess that I've been a little quieter than usual because I have been working on my first few articles.  It was one of those opportunities I kind of just stumbled upon, but was so unbelievably excited about once presented.  Everyone I've "met" (and by "met" I mean talked over e-mail with) so far seems amazing, and I am REALLY looking forward to being a part of their team.  I really hope anyone reading checks out their site,  and enjoys reading all they have to offer.  

That doesn't mean I'll be neglecting my personal blog here (at least I hope it doesn't)- it just means I'll have an awesome place to write about some different topics.  Being a sahm, 7-8 months pregnant, starting to "really" write, and toss in, say, life in general...methinks things are about to get interesting.

With all of my recent Internet research for Miss A, one thing has come up consistently that I'm just not getting: Pinterest.  I've known about this fad for a while now- people pin things they like, almost like a scrap book of recipes, how to's, and inspirational ideas; but somehow, I still just don't "get" it.  Maybe it's because I'm not a scrapbook-er of any kind.  My recipe box is filled with cards growing dust since before my wedding, and Cam's baby book, well, I'm embarrassed to admit it still has the sticker on it- totally untouched.  Maybe it's because I'm a lover of quick Internet searches via google, and enjoy mashing up 4 recipes to make up my own.  Whatever the reason, I'm just not understanding the hype.  But my question to myself is, can THAT many people be wrong about something?  Maybe I'm not getting the love for it, but it's so popular that it's hard to ignore that maybe they're seeing something I'm not.  Smell a challenge? Your nose is spot on! Next week, I am going to use Pinterest.  I mean REALLY use it...I will pin and use recipes.  I will pin and use how to's.  I will attempt to make my own pins.  Maybe, by the end of the week, I'll magically fall in love with this virtual pin board and happily retract my former misunderstandings, or maybe I still just won't get it.  Either way, I look forward to giving it a shot.  

In the mean time, writing aside, the hubs and I have been joking that we're going to be running around like chickens with our heads cut off until the little man arrives.  In the next week alone, we have 3 doctor appointments between us, I have a lunch with the school moms, we are driving to Michigan and back for a family visit, AND we have a maternity photo shoot.  Yes...all that, in the next 7 days (not to mention preparation for all of the above).  All that to do, when all I REALLY want to do is sleep.  Of course, with so much going on, I'm in the throes of the third trimester sleepies.  Not only am I simply tired because he's growing (and I'm growing), but his insistence on residing across my ribs has been causing some seriously uncomfortable sleeping (or not sleeping, I should say).  This is kind of new for me, since I didn't have quite as much discomfort with the nug- but then again, she was super pint sized.  I'm kind of convinced he might already weigh now what she did when she was born (it certainly feels that way!).  It makes for interesting sleep times...my bed looks like a pillow fortress.  I'm pretty sure by the end of the night, my poor hubs is left with half a pillow to rest his head while I have 4-5 under my head and back, and a boppy that starts out wedged under my belly but ends up, well, elsewhere.  

One thing is for sure, it's going to be a crazy couple of months.  With lots planned, lots to get done, a wacky nug along for the ride and a little boy due to arrive in FIVE to EIGHT WEEKS, it's going to be a doozy of a summer-- I can't flippin' wait!  Feel free to go to Miss A's Haute Mama section to check out my current articles and some great articles by other talented Mama's.  There are some great sections on charity, fashion, beauty and local sections, too!  Have a great week!