I'm baaaaaack! New Year and a "motherlode" of goals!

It's been 3 (yes, THREE!) months since Kenny's successful awake craniotomy, but I have to say, it feels much longer.  We settled into family life much faster than I had anticipated, and while sometimes I worry that I've lulled myself into a false sense of security, it's a risk I'm willing to take for the time being.  What else can I do?  My constant worry about every.little.thing. isn't doing anyone any good anyhow.  So, instead, I've refocused my efforts into getting our act together in 2013 (which mostly revolves around my kids). 

So about two years ago, when I was gearing up to turn 30 (::sigh::, when I was a still spry 29 year old), I started this blog because I wanted to challenge myself to try new things.  Cam was a little more than a year old, and she, and life, were generally easy.  I tried new recipes, new drinks, went new places and did my best to adhere to "the list."  I didn't complete it, but I enjoyed the "challenge" and feeling of accomplishment of some personal goals.  At the time, Cam's needs were simple.  She needed love, and snuggles, and some attention.  Flash forward two years, and obviously things are different now- not only because life has become a bit more complicated, but because we have a second child, too.  I don't have time to make 25 ingredient meals or spend hours every day at the gym. I wish I remembered what it was like to go to the movies or even have time (at this point) to take an extra long shower by myself.  I guess my point is that two years ago, I had the luxury of my personal goals being, well, personal.  

Today?  My biggest goals are all mom related (or really, kid related).  Not only has Cam hit the terrible 3's with hurricane force, she's had a really tough 6 months, something we only realized recently.  In July, our little trio lived a happy-go-lucky, easy existence.  We had, earlier in the year, moved her from our room (she slept with us the bulk of her life) and I had weaned her from extended nursing (which I've talked about before).  It was tough (or at least it felt tough at the time), but she handled it with gusto.  By the second week of August she had a baby brother and slept on a pullout couch at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  Kenny and I were constantly disappearing for doctor  appointments, and then he was gone (from her world) for the better part of two weeks, where he came home with a big "boo boo" on his head.  Of course, when all was well, we moved back home, where she finally felt the effects of being a big sister (since there were no longer 5 adults around all the time).

I know things could have been worse (by far).  I know we are incredibly lucky and fortunate and every adjective possible that means "Thank the effing God(s?) above my husband is mostly tumor free and had a rock star recovery."  But my girl got lost in the shuffle of getting Ken to where he is now, and now it's her time to get back on track (well, everyone's, but at the moment, she needs the most attention).  We did a lot of overcompensating.  A lot of TV watching and fruit snacks were had to appease the daughter who we felt we neglected for 3 months, and we created a monster.  An angry, clingy, non sleeping monster.  I realized at the very tail end of the year that spoiling her was doing no good; not for us and most definitely not for her.  That's when we decided 2013 is the year we try our damnedest to get ourselves together. Our end goals are simple...health and happiness.  We always say that, don't we?  We wish ourselves and everyone a healthy and happy new year?  Well, we are putting our money where our mouths are.  

Sounds easy, right?  Yeah...ok.  That's why I'm throwing down the gauntlet (ie. challenging myself to these tasks on my blog so I am shamed into following through).  I'll break it down for you: I want my kids happy.  I want them healthy.  I want me healthy, happy and getting enough "me" time that I don't cringe when I hear Ben stirring or Cam calling for me when I'm two sips into my morning cup of coffee.  I want Kenny healthy, and into the best work/life balance possible.  I want time with friends, time with our kids, time alone and time to get back to life.  We need gym time, playground time, nap time, book time and snuggle time. Things aren't going to be what they used to be, but they can still be great.  Obviously this is going to take a lot of baby steps...

To start, we began using a sticker board of every day accomplishments we'd like Cam to achieve, like sleeping by herself, not having accidents in her underwear (she often will wait so long she goes a tiny drop and then tells us she has to go), cleaning up her toys, eating her fruits and vegetables, and not throwing tantrums.  The first week felt hopeless, but finally it sank in (and seems to be working at least for a few of the things).  We have cut out unnecessary sugar (she was none too happy about the lack of fruit snacks and Gerber snacks), amped up her fruit and veggie intake, reduced her TV time (like by A LOT), and are upping our efforts to get her outside to play more.  It's only been a few weeks, but we can see a huge difference in her attitude already.  Thank God...it was getting hairy there for a bit.  As for Ben, luckily his needs are still pretty minimal.  He's still sleeping in our room (the APA recommends babies sleep in the same room as their parents until 6 months of age, I know most people don't really go that long but he's not really interrupting anyone's sleep so we're fine with this), but I do plan to move him to his room in the coming months (something that didn't happen with Cam until she was almost 2.5).  

As for Ken and I- he's began what will likely be his work schedule for the foreseeable future (commuting 2 days a week and working from home 3).  He's still navigating how to be at his most effective for work while he's at home (I've mentioned before how he genuinely enjoys work and his job, so he really strives to do well- always looking for ways to improve himself); but he says he thinks he's getting there.  We've made our bedroom his office; inclusive of a desk facing the window and a new computer on it's way (something about needing a giant monitor so he can have multiple applications open at once...I'm usually doing something domestic like wrangling wiggly kids into their clothes when he's explaining such things).  I keep the kids mostly out of his way for the bulk of the day (with the exception of when I need to get dressed), and he enjoys that he gets enough rest and can work late without having to still commute 90+ minutes afterward.  The days he goes in are like a treat- since no cars are necessary to get around in NY he feels some independence and gets to be amongst co-worker (ahem, adults- I'd be lying if I said I wasn't moderately jealous on that point...).  We are trying to plan some nights out (and one away) so we can start getting time alone to talk about things other than who pooped, who ate, and who bathed (the kids, not us, get your heads out of the gutter).  

I, personally, am still pretty much at square 1.  Other than a new obsession with Gossip Girl, that Kenny and I watch on Netflix most nights after the kids have gone down, I don't have much (if any) time alone to do things like exercise; but I AM eating better (I actually have all 3 of us solid food eating Courtneys' on an immune boosting diet of lean meats and lots of fruits and veggies).  I'll get there, but it's all par for the course with everything.  I'm (obviously) trying to find some time to write, but with Kenny still using the family computer most days, until the new work computer arrives I'll settle for whenever I can get.  Since I'm fairly certain the gym and I will remain merely acquaintances for the coming few months (until cold and flu season is mostly over and I feel okay putting Ben in their daycare), I'm focusing my personal goals on getting our house/schedules organized and in-sync.  By the end of February, I'd like my house to be a well oiled machine.  Right now, disaster area is an understatement- but with a little elbow grease and a lot of purging, I think 2 months is a good end goal for getting it looking better and feeling easier to stay on top of.  (PS- have I mentioned how ecstatic I am to be talking about normal things???  I could squeal....seriously).  I hope to check in again soon! 

You know you love me. XOXO,

Gossip Girl. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)

Birthday Blitz!

The perks of one of your best friends working for the Blueclaws

Happy (belated) birthday to me!  It's official, I am in my second year of my 30's!  So far, I can't complain- I kicked it off with a fabulous breakfast with my hubs and little girl; and, well, quite the bump on my torso.  That's right, we're seeing the light at the tunnel, folks, and not a minute too soon, since I'm not really sure how much more growing my poor belly can take.  With the nug, I carried low, and everrrrywhereee; this little fellow has been kind to the rest of my body, but my belly button is so popped out it kind of feels like it might just pop right off!  This is something we never thought would happen- since it never popped with Cam, and my belly button sans baby is generally so deep my husband has been known to refer to it as the black hole (seriously, it's kind of ridiculous...if it doesn't go back in after the little guy comes out it might end up looking like a third, saggy boob).

Deep fried PBJ? Yes, please!

With two days left of our staycation, I have to say, I'm a wee bit burnt out.  Having never been super pregnant in the summer before (I was pregnant with Cam in the summer, but in the beginning stages, before your inner oven is permanently turned up to 500 degrees), I didn't know how hard it would be to get around in the summer heat.  Of course, we also had a heat wave this weekend (impeccable timing, if I do say so myself), meaning we couldn't really do much that didn't involve a beachy breeze or swimming pool.  While our plans to hit the track were kiboshed, we made it to the NJ Fair, the pool club (a few times), the beach, a baseball game AND had a family pajama party/movie day in the basement.  With all this going on, my big body is TIRED, and tired of running around- so this morning I decided it was high time to take it easy in my air-conditioned living room.  Of course, we plan to get to the boardwalk later, but I think after a couple of hours on the couch I'll be recharged enough to enjoy some ice cream and a stroll on the planks.

Anyone remember this from BIG?

That said, I've been nesting like crazy!  I guess at just under 36 weeks that's to be expected.  It seems in my (limited) down time this weekend, all I've wanted to do is buy things for the little guy, wash his clothes, and bake.  As we speak, I have the hubs checking tasks off of his "honey-do" list, and plan to join him shortly.  I know, I know, I said NO chores! But, considering I'm almost 36 weeks and had nothing done for this kid prior to this weekend, I think I get a pass on a few hours of focus for him.  Not to mention, we have fun stuff planned the rest of of the week AND the weekend.

As far as how I'm feeling- I guess the best way to describe it is uncomfortable, but not miserable...yet.  I'm not going to lie, I'm getting there, and knowing I could have 5 more weeks is a little unnerving, but in the long run, 5 weeks is a short amount of time (you know, in comparison to the rest of your life with a happy, healthy child- God willing).  I think what I find most frustrating is that I can't move my body the way I could just a couple of months ago.  I really shouldn't complain, I stayed comfortably active through the majority of the pregnancy, and the last few weeks (especially in summer) are known to be a bitch (pardon my French).  Yet when I'm trying to walk the dog and I want to pick up the pace, my body just.won't.go.  I'm sure it knows better than me what it needs (and doesn't need), but it still bothers me.

On a serious note...I'm struggling with feeling like I'm not being a good mom to the nug.  Six months ago I could keep up with her, get on the ground to play with her, have patience and energy for her...and now, I just...don't.  And I feel terrible about it (tearing up even talking about it).  The hubs keeps telling me to cut myself some slack; I'm very pregnant, very big and always overheated, but I can sense her disappointment when she wants me to chase her around the house or playground and I can't do it.  I'm beyond fortunate to have SO much help; between our two families, my daughter never goes without attention, affection or playmates (seriously...never), but I miss being me (and I think she misses "me," too).  Of course, I know this is a temporary condition, and one that I'm grateful to have, I'm just getting to the point of "ready" to not be there anymore (not exactly there, but around the corner, sure enough).  I'm starting to think it's God's plan to make you so uncomfortable at the end of pregnancy that you're happy to endure labor to have it be over.  Between my insane excitement at meeting my son, and my desire to be back to being normal old "Mommy" to my daughter, I've never been so excited in anticipation of extreme pain.

Being that I'll be full term in one week (say WHAT?), part of me has decided to succumb to my body's desire to sit on my big caboose.  Yes, I'm sad I can't play as much; for sure, I'm bummed that tying my shoe laces feels like an Olympic event, but being me, sitting around and pouting about it isn't really my style.  Instead, I'll sit around and try to enjoy it.  Sitting isn't really my "thing" in general, but with a B&N gift card I just got for my birthday (THANKS SIL!), and the fun marathons all over TV lately (The Hills AND Buffy are on right now- can we say DVR? WHOOPEE!), I'm going to do my best to bide my time before I have two funny little critters to corral.

With that, I'm going to get off said big caboose, and hang some of my son's teeeeeeny tiny newborn clothes.  I hope everyone is having a fab 4th of July week!

Vacation Shmaycation- try a STAYCATION!

I don't know about you guys, but once summer hits, it seems I start to need weekends for my weekends!  Every year, the hubby and I lament how it seems we never have a free weekend; between BBQ's, family time, birthday parties, beach and pool dates, and this summer, trying to get ready for our little fellow, we're already booked up until I'm due!

We've been talking endlessly (since January...YES, JANUARY!) about doing a family vacation.  Unfortunately, a little thing called life got in the way.  Some unexpected busy-ness at the hub's job staved off an almost booked trip to Disney World in Feb/March.  Deciding to have our bathroom remodeled put off a much looked into beach vacation in April/May, and our family road trip to Michigan squashed all thought of a week in Wildwood in mid-June.  Now that it's juuuuust about July, and I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant, any promise of traveling before the little dude arrives is out of the question.  At first I was bummed (we travel a lot, so going 8 months without packing the big suitcase for a week is a decent stretch for us); but after an overnight at my mom's house last week I realized that traveling with the nug is getting hard.  Like, really hard.  Like packing a duffel bag for me, a mini suitcase for her, a pool bag, a beach bag, all supplies for both activities (blankets, toys, floaties, enough suits, regular diapers, swim diapers, sunscreen, sun hats...), toiletries for both of us and other miscellaneous items, for a ONE NIGHT stay, just felt crazy.  And that's the easiest kind of stay considering I didn't have to supply beach chairs, umbrellas or house toys (since my mom has all of that for us at her house).

That's when we decided to finally  jump on this trend of staycations.  There's a lot of reasons people take them these days (rising costs of flying, gas prices, the economy, and so on),  but for some reason we never thought to try it ourselves.  Considering we live in an area FILLED with tourist destinations, it's pretty silly that we haven't!  So, what does one do on a staycation?  Apparently, just about ANYTHING except chores or work- sounds like fun, to me!  I've been doing a lot of research on them for an upcoming article on staycations for Miss A (due out next week), and it seems you can do anything from host a cocktail party to a family decathlon in the back yard.

As for us, with so much in our area (central NJ, about 45 minutes out of Manhattan and 30 minutes to the best local non-BENNY beach- BENNY's being folks who are from out of town- say Northern NJ or some area of NY who don't stay but clog up the parkways and parking lots every.single.weekend in the summer), narrowing the list was tough.  Of course, toddler friendly is an absolute must (it drives me batty when people take small kids to events inappropriate for their ages and don't understand why the poor, bored kids are misbehaving).  So here's what we've got so far:

* The beach/boardwalk/aquarium:  This is a no-brainer in NJ, especially for beach lovers like ourselves.  We especially enjoy getting to the beach early in the morning (around 7 am, when you still need a sweatshirt and can enjoy a cup of hot coffee and a bagel while the sand heats up), and leaving before the real heat sets in...and crowds!  Our favorite local beach also has a swing set; so when we take the nug for a beach walk, she gets a little play break in the middle of our shell collecting.  Pt.Pleasant Boardwalk (about 10 minutes further from said favorite local beach) is the family version of the one you see on Jersey Shore- lots of kiddie rides, games and family attractions.  The boardwalk is also home to a wonderful little aquarium with a touch tank and lots of colorful fish, sharks, penguins, sea lions and alligators.

* 4th of July fireworks:  Since this is the first year that the nug could really appreciate them, I was so bummed that the Red Bank fireworks (a HUGE display run by the same company that does the Macy's fireworks in NYC) were canceled.  Sadly, many of the local fireworks have been put off for 2012 in light of increasing costs and diminishing donations; leaving our options a little bit limited for a first time fireworks outing. Luckily, the above mentioned favorite beach still has theirs, making for a fun night out with dinner, evening beach snuggles and a sky lit up with colorful explosions.

*The pool: Since we already belong to a pool club, it wouldn't make sense not to utilize it during our down time on our staycation.  Not to mention, the nug has a few little friends there she loves seeing!

* A local ball game:  For us this is the Lakewood Blue Claws.  First Energy Park in Lakewood is one of the  most family/kid friendly venues I've ever been to- with a large playground right above the seating stands, fun characters running around and a host of on-field, in-between innings games (like hula hoop contests or races).  They also have a post-game fireworks display every weekend!

* The NJ Fair:  Okay, I'll admit it, this has been one of my favorite -alright, my absolute favorite- thing to do to kick off summer every year.  Well before the nug came along, I've loved going to this fair since they have kind of everything a regular fair has, but tenfold.  Rides, games, food, and attractions- you definitely get your money's worth. Amongst their many attractions, they have a hypnotist show that is great, a BMX bike show, a petting zoo, a big cat show, shark show, racing pigs and if you want you can pay to ride in the original Batcopter (as in the Batman helicopter).  They also have carnival like attractions (a small circus, the world's smallest woman and horse, psychics and caricature artists), and my personal favorite, the candy tent.  It's basically a pay per pound candy store with all of my childhood favorites!  It's a can't miss for me, and definitely fits in well with our "vacation at home" theme.

*The Liberty State Science Center:  With Saturday being the kick off of 4th of July week, southbound any highway is no place I want to go (which means no beach or local attractions anywhere NEAR a beach).  That in mind, we wanted to pick someplace to go that was indoors, and north of where we live.  While we could always head into NYC, the city in summer heat is no vacation in my book.  The Liberty State Science Center, known for it's hands on exhibits, is a great place for the nug to get a little introduction science.  While it *might* not keep her attention the whole day, it will be a fun segue into going to museums.

*Monmouth Park:  On Sunday we'll be having a day at the races!  We have invited our friends and family to meet us at the track for a day of betting on horses and hanging out.  I know I've mentioned this before, but this particular track (on Sundays especially) is extremely family friendly.  With a playground, free face painting, pony rides, bounce houses and live music, there's not a chance your kids will get bored.  Not to mention, it's wallet friendly, too!  At $3.00 an adult (kids under 12 are free), and the ability to bring in your own coolers of food/drinks (alcohol included), you can choose to spend as much or as little as you want.

Alternates/down time extras:

* The zoo: While we do have the Bronx Zoo well within driving distance, we have a couple of terrific zoos even closer.  If we find we have some extra time, we'll definitely be heading to one of them since the nug is a HUGE lover of animals.

* All day movie fest: In case of inclement weather, I'll be stocking up on family movies and snacks so we can have an all day movie/play/snuggle fest in our basement.

* Family dinner night: experimenting with some new recipes in the kitchen where we can all get involved!

*BIRTHDAY CAKE! Yup- my 31st birthday has quickly approached with my barely noticing.  It feels like weeks ago I was writing about how anxious I was on the eve of my 30th birthday; and here we are already, a year later.  While last year the hubs sprung for an amazing, long 4th of July weekend at a beach house on LBI with sand, friends, family and lots of tasty drinks to ring in my 30th, my 31st will be decidedly more low key.  Almost full term with nuggest #2 (God willing and the creek don't rise), I'll be happy to be able to waddle around on our staycation!  We might spring for a dinner sans original nug, but other than that, no big plans in the works.

I have to say, it's been an absolute WHIRLWIND of a first year in my 30's.  Fun with friends, a couple of trips, and a baby on the way, I definitely can't complain (yet).  Hopefully it's not just beginner's luck; if the rest of my 30's go as well as my first year, I might even be happy to hit 40 just to see what happens next (I said *might*).

Since we have this fun staycation planned for next weekend, I have a lot to get done (who wants to do chores on vacation???).  Keep a look out for my article on Miss A next week for a ton more staycation ideas and tips for making it successful! Happy Tuesday!

What's your time worth?

One of the oldest cliches out there says that time is a precious commodity.  I agree.  I've learned to appreciate my time greatly since we had the nug 2.5 years ago.  Before having her, we had nothing but time.  Sure, we worked.  We went out with friends and took vacations.  But time wasn't an issue...there was always ample time to do what we wanted, when we wanted.  Now...now it seems there's never enough time.  The last two and a half years have been the fastest of my life; with our little family juggling time together, time apart, time alone, work, play, friends.  Wouldn't it be cool, though, it time were REALLY a commodity?  I mean, as in one that you could trade on the stock market?  Obviously, being TIME, and not a product, that could never happen.  But think about it...if someone who had too much time on their hands could sell you an hour?  Traders scrambling to find the current value of time.  It's kind of a funny idea to toss around.

It's not all bad.  Having less time not only helps you to appreciate it more, but helps you to spend it more wisely.  If I'm going to spend a Friday night away from my husband and daughter, it's going to be for a three hour gabfest with two of my oldest girlfriends.  If the hubs is going to spend a day away from the nug and I on a weekend, it's going to be for a round of golf with his Dad or best friend.  When you don't have much additional time to spare, it needs to be worth it to give it up.  I realized, at the late old age of 30 (I kid), that time really IS a precious commodity.

At 30 weeks pregnant, time has been on my mind a lot lately.  I need time to write.  I want time to relax.  I need time to get the nursery ready.  I want time to spend with my husband and daughter.  There's a lot I want and need to do in the next 8-11 weeks.  It sounds like a lot of time when you say "two to three months," but the truth is, if I had a trip planned for 8 weeks from now, I'd probably be out shopping for it, writing a check list of things to pack, tasks to be completed, etc.  Potentially 8 weeks out from having a baby, we are wholly unprepared.  Not to mention, most of our weekends are taken up through the second weekend of July (you know, when I'll be just over 37 weeks).  In a way, it's nice.  I know I'll see the people I want to see, I know the little odds and ends of things we want to get finished will be, but some days, just when we think we're on top of things, we run out of time.

Of course, we're never really "out of time," until, well, we are.  Since none of us knows when that is (I for one, hope to be drinking ensure out of martini glasses well into my golden years with my husband by my side making that annoying face he makes when he thinks you've said something stupid), the best any of us can do is to make our time worth it.  Of course, we all have to do things we don't want to do, that's just a part of life, I don't mean to spend 100% of your time only doing things you find fun and wonderful.  I just mean to value the worth of your time.  Don't waste time with people who waste yours.  Don't waste time with petty games, grievances or "friends."  Don't waste your time thinking the grass is always greener.  If you have friends you love or genuinely enjoy spending time with, make time for them.  If you find peace in meditation or God or Church, make time for it.  If you have a family that is important to you, make time for them.  Even if you live a hundred years, life is too short for some of the silliness I see people let themselves get involved in.

Last night, the hubs and I were looking at pictures of the nug's first summer.  She was one butterball of a baby, with the cutest, chubbiest little thighs imaginable.  That was two years ago already.  With time flying so fast I see no room to mess around.  Which is why I'm going to log off now and spend the rest of the day with my now 2.5 year old, not remotely chubby little girl.  Man I miss those rolls...