(not so) Big Ben has arrived!

 My little man is here, and I could NOT be more in love!

As of late last week, I wasn't quite getting the feeling that little dude was in any rush to vacate my tummy.  I resolved myself to it, actually, and felt pretty okay with the idea that I might be going into August still pregnant.  The hubby and I kicked off the weekend by seeing the new Batman movie in IMAX (aside from recent tragedies causing us to continually glance at the Exit sign, the movie was awesome), and letting the nug have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's house so we could have a quiet night alone.  It was SO gorgeous out on Saturday, we picked her up and spent the afternoon at the pool club, and Sunday we had a family beach day that could not have been more perfect.  I even joined the hubby on a lengthy beach walk, feeling good and confident that little man wasn't going anywhere.  

As of Monday morning at 9 am, I was the most pregnant I'd ever been (38 weeks 4 days).  I still wasn't feeling particularly antsy, but knowing the lover of Old Wives Tales that I am (anyone remember all of my sex of the baby tests???), decided to use a few of the more "silly" ones to see if we could coax the little guy out.  Truthfully, the hubs and I were just using it as an excuse to eat out every night and get all the yummy, spicy, not so great for you foods we've been trying to avoid because, well, they're not so good for you!  We even plotted out restaurants to eat at every night(no way he was letting me  have all the yummy food fun!).  Monday we'd have wings, Tuesday we planned to have a spicy beef dish we love at a local Thai restaurant, Wednesday was going to be Indian food night, and so on.  Except, we only got through Monday...

Monday, with the heat settling back in over NJ (apparently NJ was mistaken for Hades this summer), I decided I didn't want to keep the nug sitting in the house once again (I spent all of last week shutting us in the a/c), and took her to the local mall.  The mall near us may as well be Disney World for her- between the choo choo train that runs downstairs, the horse carousel in the food court upstairs, the Disney store and the build-a-bear shop, the mall is an absolute wonderland to a 2.5 year old.  We spent the afternoon enjoying some pizza, rides and strolling around; in retrospect it was a really great "last day" alone together--she was so well behaved and we had such a great time.  Not long after we got home, the hubs arrived and we took her to Houlihan's because I love their buffalo wings (my first spicy food test!).  We enjoyed our little trio time (inclusive of dessert, of course), and after we got home, we all seemed to pass out in record time...but the labor Gods had something else in mind for me Monday night.

I woke up with a quick, sharp pain at 1230 am- but any woman 9 months pregnant knows that sometimes, when you're unknowingly turning over in your sleep, you're certainly prone to sudden sharp pains.  Nothing followed: no contractions, no tightness, no nothing- and I quickly fell back to sleep.  Then at 1, another sharp pain.  This time I knew this wasn't the typical, middle of the night adjustment pain, and I quickly realized that I was not only labor, but my contractions were already only 6 minutes apart.  Since I'd had the nug so quickly, my doctor told me to call him after the first few consistent contractions, after 3 of them that were 6 minutes apart (and the most intense things I'd ever felt), I woke K about 1:30, told him I was calling the doctor, and to call his mother.  Of course, the answering service first had to call the doctor and have him call me back, but being in as much pain as I was, I knew there was no way I wasn't going- I quickly packed the last of my items and waited for K's mom to arrive to stay with the nug.  Thank the lord in Heaven she arrived as quickly as she did, and that K already had the car running and waiting to go.  The 30 minute ride to the hospital was excruciating, with me mostly trying to keep myself calm.  Although I'd told myself the whole pregnancy that I'd wanted to go natural the way I had with the nug, this pain was so much more intense than I could have imagined, with little relief in between.  I promised myself if I made it to the hospital without wetting myself, I'd treat my body to the epidural.  

When I finally got to the hospital, I couldn't even lift myself out of the car.  Thankfully (seriously, I will use that word about 500 more times before this story is over...), a nurse happened to be sitting outside of the ER on her break and noticed my inability to move.  She quickly retrieved a wheelchair, and she wheeled me right up to L&D.  At first the nurses took their sweet time getting things going; I tried to express my agony, but being L&D nurses, I'm pretty sure they are used to women in agony thinking their pain is something special; not to mention, I'd only been in active labor for 90 minutes at that point.  When asked if I wanted the epidural, I quickly explained that I needed to know how far along I was because last time, I didn't have time to get one.    After I said that, the nurse put on her gloves to check me, only to be shocked herself to realize I was fully dilated, my water ready to burst and little dude's head ready to go.  Yup.  I arrived, 90 minutes from my first contraction, fully dilated, and fighting to not push.  At that point things became fuzzy in an "all hands on deck" kind of way.  They urged me not to push, I agreed only out of sheer fear.  I hee hee hee'd through my contractions as best I could, but she explained that my doctor likely wasn't going to make it (but assured me he was speeding to try).  The on-call hospital doctor suited up for duty and got into position, only for my doctor to run in wearing his street clothes at the very last minute.  He got his gown and gloves on just in time for my inevitable inability to stop the baby from coming.  In one huge push, little Ben flew right into the world, 25 minutes from my arrival at the hospital.  He was 6lbs 7oz and 20 inches long (tall and skinny like Daddy).  Not only did we not have time to get an epidural or even an IV, I'm not even sure the nurses knew my name before I pushed him out! It was quite literally the MOST intense 2 hours of my life.  

I'm thankful for SO much about how this all went down.  I'm thankful it happened in the middle of the night, when Kenny was home and when the roads were empty (you know, so Kenny could do 75 up the highway without ever seeing another car, let alone shore traffic!).  Had the scenario played out during any other time of the day, I would almost surely not have made it (I'm not exaggerating, it really freaks me out how close I came to not getting to the hospital in time).  I'm thankful my doctor made it, even if by the skin of his teeth.  My practice has 8 doctors in total, all of whom are great, but the doctor on call happened to be my favorite of the team (and the odds of that are pretty slim since they rotate daily- each day I was there a different doctor from the practice checked on me).   While in theory it's amazing that I labored such a short time, it was very scary for me if not a bit traumatic; and his presence was the only bit of control I had left in a situation where I had none otherwise.  I'm thankful beyond belief that my little man was born a-okay with almost no monitoring through the process, that I got to spend my first 2 hours with him laying on my chest and nursing, and that so far, he seems to be a perfectly healthy, happy little boy.  I'm also thankful to have such an amazing family, by both blood and marriage, who not only helped us along the way, but who helped welcome our handsome little clone of my hubby into the world.  

A pretty funny side note of all of this?  The "spicy" wings?  Yeah--not spicy.  Not even remotely spicy LOL!  I guess he just decided Monday night was the night.  Although I knew it was coming sometime soon, it doesn't cease to baffle me that on Sunday I was strolling the beach with my family, and Monday I was hanging with the nug, and by Tuesday, our lives had changed entirely.  It's certainly been a whirlwind of a week.  I can feel my OCD creeping in, as I had assumed it would, but so far it doesn't seem nearly as bad.  This week has gone so fast I haven't even had time to upload all the pictures of him to the computer, so I'll be back on later today to photo bomb you all ;)  

Many thanks to all for the massive amounts of congratulations and well wishes!  We are SO blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives to share these moments with!!! :))  

An open letter to my daughter on the verge of being a big sister

Dearest little nug,

As you get older, you'll realize that there are going to be a lot of defining moments in your life.  There's the obvious ones, like graduations and weddings; but there are other kinds of moments...more subtle ones, that maybe you won't recognize at first, but they alter your life in a way you couldn't imagine.  That's what happened to me around this time 14 years ago...

It was July of 1998.  Just having turned 17,  I worked at Camp Arrowhead for my summer money and socialization.  I'd been going there since I was a kid, and when I was too old too attend, I started working there.  I'd had a lot of amazing experiences there...I made amazing summer friends, had my first boyfriends, my first breakups, and even first kisses; my very best and favorite summer memories are all at Camp Arrowhead.

It started out just like every other morning for me.  Your Uncle Mike was also a counselor, and we shared bus duties; since he was usually really tired (*cough*hungover*cough*), I handled the morning bus ride, and he handled the afternoons.  As our bus started up the huge hill to enter the camp, I had no way of knowing that on the way down that big hill, I'd see the boy that would eventually be my husband (and your Daddy!).  I will never forget that moment; I saw him at least 30 minutes before he ever laid eyes on me, since our bus dropped kids off and further descended down the hill to drop off the smallest kids at tot camp.  Yet there he was...the new guy, looking lost in a sea of excited elementary school kids, ready to play for the next 8 hours.  I watched him while the kids filed off the bus, looking around, having no clue that I spied him from a few hundred feet away.  I don't know why I remember that moment so clearly...maybe it's just coincidence, maybe some part of me knew, but I'll never forget it.  When I finally made my way up the hill to introduce myself, I had no clue the course of events I was setting in motion.  While nothing happened for a couple of months (aside from some innocent flirting and lots of phone conversations), by mid September we were officially a couple.

The last 14 years have been among the best, the worst, the most amazing and scariest of my life.  We had ups, downs, ins and outs, but through it all, we knew we wanted to spend our lives together, and I shudder to think what my life might be like if I hadn't been on the bus that day. What if he had decided not to work there?  What if I'd taken that week off for vacation?  Maybe we would have met the next day, but maybe it all would have happened differently.  Sure, maybe I'd be rich and successful and any number of things...but I wouldn't have him...and I wouldn't have you.

After 11 years together, you took our world by storm on December 13, 2009.  If we thought we knew love before that day, we were wrong...we had no clue how much we could love another person until you made us a family.  Watching you grow into the beautiful little person you've become has been an absolute privilege.  I really can't express in words how proud I am of you, to be your Mommy, to get to be a witness to all that you do.  You are so beautiful, and so full of life and gumption, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you came from me.  As you're only 2.5, you haven't had many (or maybe any) defining life moments yet...but you're about to have one.

For the last 2.5 years, you and I have had nothing but time.  Time to play, time to snuggle, time to learn and grow together; we've had lots of little adventures, you and I.  You've taught me what it takes to be a parent, and inspired me to to always try to be the best version of myself; I want you to be as proud of me as your Mother as I am proud of you as my daughter.  It's because of you, and how wonderful you are, that we decided to expand our family.  You brought so much love into our lives, we thought that giving you a sibling would only bring more.  Now that it's getting so close, we are so unbelievably excited to meet your little brother; but part of me feels so sad that our time alone is coming to a close.  I just want you to know how much I've loved this time together, just us; and to thank you, in case I forget later, for everything you've given us since you arrived.  Thank you for showing us how one little smile can light up our lives, that there's more important things than work or money, and that just when you think you can't love any more, you can.

In the next 3 weeks, if we're lucky and all goes well, a lot is going to change for us.  We'll love and welcome another person into our family, and you'll have that defining moment I was talking about. The course of things are going to be a little different for you now with a little sibling around.  While we won't be able to travel as freely or have as much extra time for just us, I really think you're going to like your new role as big sister.  I really don't know what is in store for you, I've never been a big sister, but I think you'll handle it just fine.

As for me, as we're about to have another big event in our lives together, it's hard for me not to flash back to that moment in 1998 when I saw Daddy the first time.  I'll be forever grateful I got on that bus to work that day...the bus ride that changed my life.  While all of my defining moments haven't been as wonderful, I can only hope for you that one day, you leave your house, and without you knowing, your life changes in an amazing, unbelievable way.

We love you SO so much little girl...more than I could ever say.

Love forever and always,

Mommy

Birthday Blitz!

The perks of one of your best friends working for the Blueclaws

Happy (belated) birthday to me!  It's official, I am in my second year of my 30's!  So far, I can't complain- I kicked it off with a fabulous breakfast with my hubs and little girl; and, well, quite the bump on my torso.  That's right, we're seeing the light at the tunnel, folks, and not a minute too soon, since I'm not really sure how much more growing my poor belly can take.  With the nug, I carried low, and everrrrywhereee; this little fellow has been kind to the rest of my body, but my belly button is so popped out it kind of feels like it might just pop right off!  This is something we never thought would happen- since it never popped with Cam, and my belly button sans baby is generally so deep my husband has been known to refer to it as the black hole (seriously, it's kind of ridiculous...if it doesn't go back in after the little guy comes out it might end up looking like a third, saggy boob).

Deep fried PBJ? Yes, please!

With two days left of our staycation, I have to say, I'm a wee bit burnt out.  Having never been super pregnant in the summer before (I was pregnant with Cam in the summer, but in the beginning stages, before your inner oven is permanently turned up to 500 degrees), I didn't know how hard it would be to get around in the summer heat.  Of course, we also had a heat wave this weekend (impeccable timing, if I do say so myself), meaning we couldn't really do much that didn't involve a beachy breeze or swimming pool.  While our plans to hit the track were kiboshed, we made it to the NJ Fair, the pool club (a few times), the beach, a baseball game AND had a family pajama party/movie day in the basement.  With all this going on, my big body is TIRED, and tired of running around- so this morning I decided it was high time to take it easy in my air-conditioned living room.  Of course, we plan to get to the boardwalk later, but I think after a couple of hours on the couch I'll be recharged enough to enjoy some ice cream and a stroll on the planks.

Anyone remember this from BIG?

That said, I've been nesting like crazy!  I guess at just under 36 weeks that's to be expected.  It seems in my (limited) down time this weekend, all I've wanted to do is buy things for the little guy, wash his clothes, and bake.  As we speak, I have the hubs checking tasks off of his "honey-do" list, and plan to join him shortly.  I know, I know, I said NO chores! But, considering I'm almost 36 weeks and had nothing done for this kid prior to this weekend, I think I get a pass on a few hours of focus for him.  Not to mention, we have fun stuff planned the rest of of the week AND the weekend.

As far as how I'm feeling- I guess the best way to describe it is uncomfortable, but not miserable...yet.  I'm not going to lie, I'm getting there, and knowing I could have 5 more weeks is a little unnerving, but in the long run, 5 weeks is a short amount of time (you know, in comparison to the rest of your life with a happy, healthy child- God willing).  I think what I find most frustrating is that I can't move my body the way I could just a couple of months ago.  I really shouldn't complain, I stayed comfortably active through the majority of the pregnancy, and the last few weeks (especially in summer) are known to be a bitch (pardon my French).  Yet when I'm trying to walk the dog and I want to pick up the pace, my body just.won't.go.  I'm sure it knows better than me what it needs (and doesn't need), but it still bothers me.

On a serious note...I'm struggling with feeling like I'm not being a good mom to the nug.  Six months ago I could keep up with her, get on the ground to play with her, have patience and energy for her...and now, I just...don't.  And I feel terrible about it (tearing up even talking about it).  The hubs keeps telling me to cut myself some slack; I'm very pregnant, very big and always overheated, but I can sense her disappointment when she wants me to chase her around the house or playground and I can't do it.  I'm beyond fortunate to have SO much help; between our two families, my daughter never goes without attention, affection or playmates (seriously...never), but I miss being me (and I think she misses "me," too).  Of course, I know this is a temporary condition, and one that I'm grateful to have, I'm just getting to the point of "ready" to not be there anymore (not exactly there, but around the corner, sure enough).  I'm starting to think it's God's plan to make you so uncomfortable at the end of pregnancy that you're happy to endure labor to have it be over.  Between my insane excitement at meeting my son, and my desire to be back to being normal old "Mommy" to my daughter, I've never been so excited in anticipation of extreme pain.

Being that I'll be full term in one week (say WHAT?), part of me has decided to succumb to my body's desire to sit on my big caboose.  Yes, I'm sad I can't play as much; for sure, I'm bummed that tying my shoe laces feels like an Olympic event, but being me, sitting around and pouting about it isn't really my style.  Instead, I'll sit around and try to enjoy it.  Sitting isn't really my "thing" in general, but with a B&N gift card I just got for my birthday (THANKS SIL!), and the fun marathons all over TV lately (The Hills AND Buffy are on right now- can we say DVR? WHOOPEE!), I'm going to do my best to bide my time before I have two funny little critters to corral.

With that, I'm going to get off said big caboose, and hang some of my son's teeeeeeny tiny newborn clothes.  I hope everyone is having a fab 4th of July week!