I'm not so broken, after all.

So, there's this pile of pants that had been sitting in our bedroom closet since the beginning of July.  They were my "iron pile" of Kenny's work pants that I'd been meaning to get to- but at the end of my pregnancy, putting on flip flops felt like an Olympic event, so on my feet ironing for even 10 minutes wasn't happening.  I had planned to iron them many times...before Kenny went back to work from paternity leave (we all know what happened next), then maybe one of the days when I wasn't living here I thought I'd just do it, or maybe before he returned to work after the brain surgery...but I just didn't.  I couldn't.  That damn pile of pants was the weirdest of small hurdles for me.  They stared at me from my closet for months.  The last shred of things I was supposed to do before everything started.  One day, last week- on my second cup of coffee when I have my ultimate energy buzz- I finally did it.  I couldn't stand the thought of peering into that closet one more night before bed and seeing that pile of pants.  I dropped Cam off at school, grabbed the ironing board and the pile, and quickly zoomed through the 7 or so pairs.  As soon as I was done, I carried them right upstairs and placed them in the closet with the rest of his clothes, where they belonged.  I know it sounds stupid (and if not stupid, definitely odd) that it was so hard for me to finally iron those pants- and I honestly have no clue exactly why it was - but I was so excited it was done that I texted my best friend about it.  Yes...I texted her that I ironed pants.  That sounds boring even to me, but it felt great.

I thought about blogging about it immediately when it was done.  But not really knowing the relevance of the unironed pants, it pretty much seemed like I was going to blog about my wifely to do list.  Not exactly riveting- not to mention, I really had it in my head that I was done (at least for now) blogging about my tough times. I wanted to go back to fluff.  I wanted to write about getting in shape and my cute kids and leave the tough stuff at the back door.  Then yesterday, at the gym, I was in the middle of a serious workout, and a song came on my iPod that I've been avoiding for months.  I was obsessed with it at the end of my pregnancy, and it reminds me of this amazingly perfect day we had at the beach about 36 hours before Ben was born.  It was seriously a perfect day.  80 degrees at the beach, family (and extended family), happy toddler playing in the sand, long stroll along the water with the husband, little man wiggling in my tummy- movie quality beach day.  It was the perfect send off to our trio becoming a quad.  During the whole ordeal, I often thought of that day, and wished if I could be anywhere in my life, it'd be that day.  Hearing the start of that song in my iPod usually triggers a "stabbing in the heart" effect, which is usually what prompts me to quickly change the song...but yesterday, on the rowing machine (at full resistance, thank you very much), I didn't change it.  I thought of that day and it didn't hurt (as much).  And then I realized, I'm not as irretrievably broken as I thought.  

I'll back up.  I know I mentioned that I was having a hard time.  But seriously, I was having a hard time.  I felt sad (like cry in the car every time I'm alone sad), and anxious, and was only compounded by me feeling terrible that I couldn't feel happy that everything (at least mostly) turned out okay.  I felt like I was a broken person.  I tried to cut myself slack, it'd only been a few months and I was still adjusting to everything and processing everything that had happened (because when you're in it, you certainly can't process it), but it felt endless.  But then the pants...and then the song...and then I realized I haven't cried in almost two weeks.  I realized I was feeling better...still cautious...still nervous...but better.  I'm healing (YAY!).  It might be slower than I'd like, but considering that 6 weeks ago I felt like a broken person who might never feel totally happy again, the epiphany gave me boat loads of hope.  If I could give myself a big fat hug, I would. 

And back to that workout (it hurts so good, today!)...it's part of a personal challenge to get healthy and look/feel well by my birthday.  I didn't really publicize it- not because I don't intend to follow through, but for some reason it feels intensely personal this time.  I'm not doing it because I have a major milestone or because I have a dress I want to look good in (like last time), but because I just want to feel my best.  I'm on a mission to be the best me I can be.  One thing I realized through this process was that I sacrificed a lot of who I am over the years- for a lot of reasons, but mostly, because I felt ashamed.  I can't say why. I just did.  I didn't like myself, and I assumed no one else liked me either.  By my mid-twenties, I think I was a pretty well balanced version of myself...some of the quirk without all the drama (and more selective of my friends).  I wasn't "all the way" there though.  I still felt embarrassed about some parts of myself...like the fact that even though I was pretty good at my job and I did like it, most of my talents and passions were creative.  Growing up I'd wanted to act, but wanted so much to be "like everyone else" and lacking the confidence to just be myself, I never went for it.  It's true...you regret more what you didn't do than what you did.  I regret that I never even tried.  Now, at 31, that ship has sailed, but I'm done being embarrassed of who I am.  I figure to be the best role model for my kids, I need to be the best Megan first.  It's not going to be a "thing" that I write about every week, but I'm sure I'll mention it sometimes.  In the mean time, I hope to keep the healing coming.  Wish us luck! 

Vacation Shmaycation- try a STAYCATION!

I don't know about you guys, but once summer hits, it seems I start to need weekends for my weekends!  Every year, the hubby and I lament how it seems we never have a free weekend; between BBQ's, family time, birthday parties, beach and pool dates, and this summer, trying to get ready for our little fellow, we're already booked up until I'm due!

We've been talking endlessly (since January...YES, JANUARY!) about doing a family vacation.  Unfortunately, a little thing called life got in the way.  Some unexpected busy-ness at the hub's job staved off an almost booked trip to Disney World in Feb/March.  Deciding to have our bathroom remodeled put off a much looked into beach vacation in April/May, and our family road trip to Michigan squashed all thought of a week in Wildwood in mid-June.  Now that it's juuuuust about July, and I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant, any promise of traveling before the little dude arrives is out of the question.  At first I was bummed (we travel a lot, so going 8 months without packing the big suitcase for a week is a decent stretch for us); but after an overnight at my mom's house last week I realized that traveling with the nug is getting hard.  Like, really hard.  Like packing a duffel bag for me, a mini suitcase for her, a pool bag, a beach bag, all supplies for both activities (blankets, toys, floaties, enough suits, regular diapers, swim diapers, sunscreen, sun hats...), toiletries for both of us and other miscellaneous items, for a ONE NIGHT stay, just felt crazy.  And that's the easiest kind of stay considering I didn't have to supply beach chairs, umbrellas or house toys (since my mom has all of that for us at her house).

That's when we decided to finally  jump on this trend of staycations.  There's a lot of reasons people take them these days (rising costs of flying, gas prices, the economy, and so on),  but for some reason we never thought to try it ourselves.  Considering we live in an area FILLED with tourist destinations, it's pretty silly that we haven't!  So, what does one do on a staycation?  Apparently, just about ANYTHING except chores or work- sounds like fun, to me!  I've been doing a lot of research on them for an upcoming article on staycations for Miss A (due out next week), and it seems you can do anything from host a cocktail party to a family decathlon in the back yard.

As for us, with so much in our area (central NJ, about 45 minutes out of Manhattan and 30 minutes to the best local non-BENNY beach- BENNY's being folks who are from out of town- say Northern NJ or some area of NY who don't stay but clog up the parkways and parking lots every.single.weekend in the summer), narrowing the list was tough.  Of course, toddler friendly is an absolute must (it drives me batty when people take small kids to events inappropriate for their ages and don't understand why the poor, bored kids are misbehaving).  So here's what we've got so far:

* The beach/boardwalk/aquarium:  This is a no-brainer in NJ, especially for beach lovers like ourselves.  We especially enjoy getting to the beach early in the morning (around 7 am, when you still need a sweatshirt and can enjoy a cup of hot coffee and a bagel while the sand heats up), and leaving before the real heat sets in...and crowds!  Our favorite local beach also has a swing set; so when we take the nug for a beach walk, she gets a little play break in the middle of our shell collecting.  Pt.Pleasant Boardwalk (about 10 minutes further from said favorite local beach) is the family version of the one you see on Jersey Shore- lots of kiddie rides, games and family attractions.  The boardwalk is also home to a wonderful little aquarium with a touch tank and lots of colorful fish, sharks, penguins, sea lions and alligators.

* 4th of July fireworks:  Since this is the first year that the nug could really appreciate them, I was so bummed that the Red Bank fireworks (a HUGE display run by the same company that does the Macy's fireworks in NYC) were canceled.  Sadly, many of the local fireworks have been put off for 2012 in light of increasing costs and diminishing donations; leaving our options a little bit limited for a first time fireworks outing. Luckily, the above mentioned favorite beach still has theirs, making for a fun night out with dinner, evening beach snuggles and a sky lit up with colorful explosions.

*The pool: Since we already belong to a pool club, it wouldn't make sense not to utilize it during our down time on our staycation.  Not to mention, the nug has a few little friends there she loves seeing!

* A local ball game:  For us this is the Lakewood Blue Claws.  First Energy Park in Lakewood is one of the  most family/kid friendly venues I've ever been to- with a large playground right above the seating stands, fun characters running around and a host of on-field, in-between innings games (like hula hoop contests or races).  They also have a post-game fireworks display every weekend!

* The NJ Fair:  Okay, I'll admit it, this has been one of my favorite -alright, my absolute favorite- thing to do to kick off summer every year.  Well before the nug came along, I've loved going to this fair since they have kind of everything a regular fair has, but tenfold.  Rides, games, food, and attractions- you definitely get your money's worth. Amongst their many attractions, they have a hypnotist show that is great, a BMX bike show, a petting zoo, a big cat show, shark show, racing pigs and if you want you can pay to ride in the original Batcopter (as in the Batman helicopter).  They also have carnival like attractions (a small circus, the world's smallest woman and horse, psychics and caricature artists), and my personal favorite, the candy tent.  It's basically a pay per pound candy store with all of my childhood favorites!  It's a can't miss for me, and definitely fits in well with our "vacation at home" theme.

*The Liberty State Science Center:  With Saturday being the kick off of 4th of July week, southbound any highway is no place I want to go (which means no beach or local attractions anywhere NEAR a beach).  That in mind, we wanted to pick someplace to go that was indoors, and north of where we live.  While we could always head into NYC, the city in summer heat is no vacation in my book.  The Liberty State Science Center, known for it's hands on exhibits, is a great place for the nug to get a little introduction science.  While it *might* not keep her attention the whole day, it will be a fun segue into going to museums.

*Monmouth Park:  On Sunday we'll be having a day at the races!  We have invited our friends and family to meet us at the track for a day of betting on horses and hanging out.  I know I've mentioned this before, but this particular track (on Sundays especially) is extremely family friendly.  With a playground, free face painting, pony rides, bounce houses and live music, there's not a chance your kids will get bored.  Not to mention, it's wallet friendly, too!  At $3.00 an adult (kids under 12 are free), and the ability to bring in your own coolers of food/drinks (alcohol included), you can choose to spend as much or as little as you want.

Alternates/down time extras:

* The zoo: While we do have the Bronx Zoo well within driving distance, we have a couple of terrific zoos even closer.  If we find we have some extra time, we'll definitely be heading to one of them since the nug is a HUGE lover of animals.

* All day movie fest: In case of inclement weather, I'll be stocking up on family movies and snacks so we can have an all day movie/play/snuggle fest in our basement.

* Family dinner night: experimenting with some new recipes in the kitchen where we can all get involved!

*BIRTHDAY CAKE! Yup- my 31st birthday has quickly approached with my barely noticing.  It feels like weeks ago I was writing about how anxious I was on the eve of my 30th birthday; and here we are already, a year later.  While last year the hubs sprung for an amazing, long 4th of July weekend at a beach house on LBI with sand, friends, family and lots of tasty drinks to ring in my 30th, my 31st will be decidedly more low key.  Almost full term with nuggest #2 (God willing and the creek don't rise), I'll be happy to be able to waddle around on our staycation!  We might spring for a dinner sans original nug, but other than that, no big plans in the works.

I have to say, it's been an absolute WHIRLWIND of a first year in my 30's.  Fun with friends, a couple of trips, and a baby on the way, I definitely can't complain (yet).  Hopefully it's not just beginner's luck; if the rest of my 30's go as well as my first year, I might even be happy to hit 40 just to see what happens next (I said *might*).

Since we have this fun staycation planned for next weekend, I have a lot to get done (who wants to do chores on vacation???).  Keep a look out for my article on Miss A next week for a ton more staycation ideas and tips for making it successful! Happy Tuesday!

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Last Sunday was Father's day, and as such, I tried my best to show my hubs my massive amounts of appreciation for his being a rock-star Dad.  Of course, I try to do this all the time (I believe that if you're only good to your spouses on holidays and birthdays, you probably need some relationship re-tooling), but since it was a holiday, I did try to spoil him (as best a 33 week pregnant, waddley woman, can).  I spent the morning whipping up challah french toast and bacon (a fan favorite in our house), and spent the afternoon at the track with the in-laws.  While I'm sure this conjures up some picture of bored kids while Dad cheers on horses with a cigar in his mouth, rest assured the track here is beyond family friendly with playgrounds, face painting, pony rides, and bounce houses...and my husband doesn't smoke cigars ;)  I also went in cahoots with MILly to coordinate a golf weekend getaway for FIL and the hubs later in the fall in the hopes that he'd enjoy the mini-break from work and the hectic-ness that will (likely) come with two kids;  or, at the very least, catch up on some sleep.

I know I often mention what a great dad I think the hubs is, but in all seriousness, he really is a terrific father.  While I could always say something like, "there's so many deadbeats out there and he's not one," I think the comparison is insulting.   He's not trying to not be a deadbeat, and frankly, it isn't him to be a deadbeat (at being a father or anything else in life).  He's just being him...a good guy, good husband, good daddy.  My appreciation for his efforts have little to do with the fact that there seems to be an increase of absentee fathers, but more because I didn't have such a great relationship with my own dad.

I've thought a lot lately about how my life might have been different had my relationship been different with my father.  My daughter has a lot of my childhood personality in her...she's pushy, she's vivacious, she's extremely strong willed and very energetic (sleep is a 4 letter word to this kid).  I was met with a lot of anger and frustration on my father's part...he couldn't quite handle me, and said a lot of terrible things (I can only hope he regretted them, since "I'm sorry" were not words that were big in his vocabulary).  Sure, kids are resilient, they can rebound from tough situations, but when it comes to their parents, they'll never forget.  I've written a lot about how I forgive my dad for the things he said and did over the years, but I'll always remember being a pint sized 6 year old being told he wished I'd never been born.  I'll never forget being told that if he and my mom divorced, it'd be my fault (and being me, I wished it were true, since it meant he'd be moving out...), and I'll always feel sad for the little nug that I was, being constantly thrust into the middle of my parent's marital spouts.  When I didn't agree with my dad (which was pretty much always), the put downs were inevitable.  Somehow, he never quite bullied me into submission, but I eventually lost the confidence I exuded as a child; convinced no one liked me (who could, if my own father didn't?), feeling low, it took me a very long time to learn to be "me" again.  And even now, I struggle with it.

A girl's relationship with her father is paramount in her life. While every girl who isn't loved by her father isn't destined to work a pole (obviously), there have been recent studies that even links horseplay with fathers to a girl's confidence through her life.  To be truthful, I didn't quite realize how important it was until I had my own daughter.  I always knew I was missing out in the Daddy/daughter relationship arena; I envied girls who had dads who doted on them, who encouraged them to do better in life than they had, who enjoyed them.  I never quite grasped what a difference it could make on a girl's life to have that connection; but once I saw my daughter's face light up at the sight of her father, it clicked.  He'll be the first man in her life to show her how a man should treat a woman.  He'll demonstrate not only how she should be treated, but how they should conduct themselves.  He'll be the first man to tell her he loves her, kiss her tears away, and support and encourage her through any of her endeavors.  That's why I'm so grateful my daughter has my husband for a father; not because he's such a great daddy (although he is), but because he's so much more.  He's a great husband- the kind who is my best friend.  The kind where it feels weird to not talk to him a hundred times a day about anything and everything, who let's me know he appreciates me as much as I do, him.  He's a hard worker, he's close with his family, he holds doors for strangers every.single.time he walks in or out of a building, and he's smart, to boot (brains are kind of my "thing").  

As far as good examples go, my daughter has it made.  I could be jealous, I suppose, but the truth is, while it's not the same relationship, he was the first to do all those things for me, too.  I guess you could say she and I both got pretty lucky.  That's not to say that all my issues magically disappeared because I lucked out with a great husband; but that fact alone goes to show that even in the best of outcomes, lacking a good father figure could affect you for life.  That's why I would urge any man out there to not stop at being a good father, but being a good person.  No one is perfect; we all have our moments where we lose our cool, but remember this: while they may forgive you for things you say and do in the heat of anger or frustration, they probably won't ever forget.  I know I never did.

Road Trippin'

Last weekend was a crazy, fast weekend for us C's (as apparently this week was, since it's already Friday)!  On Thursday morning, bright and early, I had a 32 week ultrasound on the little man (he's still an adorable, chubby cheeked clone of my hubby), and immediately from there left for a road trip to Michigan to visit the hubby's cousins.  The ride out wasn't so bad- the novelty of having snacks and toys thrown her way every 10 minutes kept the nug happy.   We even stopped about 4 hours short of our destination to spend the night at a hotel with an indoor pool  (which the nug thought was pretty much the coolest thing ever).  Since we made it out there in good spirits and unscathed, we thought we had it made...

But a funny thing happened last weekend in the magical land of Michigan.  My daughter...my sweet, snuggly, tender daughter, seemingly turned into a teenager overnight.  Now, I know she's really not a teenager, but I'm pretty sure it's considered teen aged behavior to yell "STOP TALKING!" when your father is reprimanding you.  You read that right.  As my husband was explaining to her why she shouldn't be putting her feet up on the iPad, she copped an attitude.  That tude she dished out was 100% vintage Megan.  On one hand, it's a little unnerving having proved my mother right (she always warned me that I'd have a daughter like me someday), on the other, I'm kind of finding it hilarious.  In that moment, jaws dropped, I had to give my husband the "don't you DARE laugh right now" look of death, and bite into my own lip to keep from smiling myself in order to tell her it wasn't nice to talk to Mommy and Daddy (or anyone) like that.  I'm sure it was the first of many times we'll have to turn our faces away so she can't see our amusement at her emerging vivacity.  On the bright side, she was mostly fabulous sharing attention with her new baby cousin; we realized the problem we'll likely have when little man comes is that she'll want to help TOO much.  I'm not really expecting her enthusiasm to stick around very long once she realizes that our new little C won't be gone after 48 hours, but I'm happy to see that she at least didn't seem to find the prospect of Mommy paying attention to another baby as problematic.

While the actual road trip was uneventful (and the weekend awesome), sitting in the car for a total of 22-23 hours over the course of 4 days didn't bode well for my big bellied body.  Since the little guy is pretty much spread eagle all over my short torso, sitting for long periods can be extremely uncomfortable.  Not to mention, while we thought we were totally prepared, loading 6, 24 minute episodes of her favorite TV shows on the iPad proved to be more trouble than it was worth (as in the giant preggo having to lean back into the back seat every 24 minutes to start a new show).  While I might try this road trip thing again in a few years, it definitely won't be happening again any time soon.

In other news, the school year is officially over.  At first I was really looking forward to this; her afternoon classes made for late naps (and even later bedtimes), so I figured once school was done I could get the nug on a better sleep schedule.  Except I forgot how much I reaaaaallly look forward to those four hours a week.  They gave me time to write, tidy up after one of her morning tornados through the living room, or, most important, get a mani/pedi!  Although, it's kind of nice that for the next few weeks (as in the last few weeks we have together as a trio- GULP!), we won't be on anyone's schedule but our own.  Even though it's getting much harder for me to get around, I am determined to make this next month or two amazing (yes...I *could* have a baby in as few as 4 weeks, although I'm anticipating more like 6, 7 if he's stubborn). I refuse to let my big, waddling, hobbily behind sit around while there are beaches to visit, pools to swim in, and fun to be had!  It might take me longer to do it (seriously, I think a snail would beat me in a race at the moment), but I am going to do it ;)

As for my Pinterest challenge, it begins TODAY!  I've spent a bit of time scouring the site and although I really still don't get the hype, I'm going to do my best to utilize it.  I'll let you know how it's going!  It should be interesting to give it a go now that the nug's spring activities are all over  AND she's been refusing to nap.  In the mean time, feel free to check out my latest article on Miss A about keeping your family's skin safe in the summer!

Mommy guilt! My baby isn't THE baby anymore

Last night, while I was strolling, that thing that second time moms warned me about set in.  You know, the thing.  The sudden, tear inducing Mommy guilt thing.

Not that it hadn't dawned on me at any point in the last 7+ months that I'd be rocking my little nug's world when this little guy enters it.  Of course I knew that.  Of course I felt bad about it.  But last night, it really HIT me.  The worst part?  I can't exactly pinpoint what exactly I feel guilty about.  The nug has had 2.5 years of undivided attention, and I'm not really worried about the baby garnering more attention than her.  Sure, people will oo and ah, "look at the baby, look at the baby (thought out in my best Vince Vaughn impression)," but she'll undoubtedly get lots of big sister attention. Not to mention, from my experience, people are kind of scared of little babies.  They're more secure in talking to and playing with toddlers than they are with newborns.  I'm not nervous she'll feel less loved, I'm not remotely anxious she'll be upset about staying with her grandparents a few days (she stays with them all the time), and I don't think she'll feel angry, left out, or put out by his presence.  She's a pretty independent kid, and nurturing to boot, so I think, for the most part, she'll enjoy doting on him.

So what IS it?  I guess I'm not really sure.  I think it has something to do with feeling like I'm replacing her in the baby category.  I'll explain, since I'm sure that doesn't make sense.  I don't mean that I feel like she will feel replaced, or that any baby could replace, well, any other baby.  I think I just mean that in having this baby, I'm finally admitting she's not a baby anymore.   For over two years we would often refer to her in passing as THE baby.  "Do you have THE baby's bottle/sippy cup?" "Did you feed THE baby breakfast?" "How did THE baby sleep last night?" Not only can we not refer to her as a baby, we can't refer to her as THE baby.  It's understood now, even before he's here, that when we say THE baby, we're now talking about him, not her.  It hurts to even write that.  Without her knowledge or consultation, my baby officially became a big girl.  I know this would happen whether or not he was coming.  How long can you refer to a walking, talking, child as THE baby?  But realizing tonight that it's been months since any of us as referred to her as the baby, well, it just stings a little.

I was never one to rush my baby into childhood; I could never relate when other Moms seemed to be in a rush for their babies to be kids, pushing them to walk before they were ready or swearing they were speaking in full sentences by the age of 9 months.  Of course, it's the desired outcome of having babies that they grow into children, and that those children grow into adults, and so on; I just assumed it was going to happen fast without any help from me, so I didn't push.  It's just that, even knowing that, I wasn't really prepared for the reality of how fast it was going to go.  As I grow closer to giving birth a second time (God willing and the creek don't rise),  I can't help but reminisce over and over again about the day I gave birth to Cam.  It was honestly amazing.  I'm not an earthy person who found my zen in giving birth...I was lucky it was very fast (it hurt like Hell, but was over with quickly).  When she was born I don't recall crying with joy or having any great epiphany, but I was ecstatic....I had my little girl!  I got a quick glance at the peanut I'd been harboring for 38 weeks before they took her for her Apgar tests and first bath.  I remember calling out to my husband through my teeth chattering (tiny bit of post delivery shock- totally normal), asking him to make sure she had 10 fingers and 10 toes.  It wasn't until just a little while later, when I finally got to really snuggle her, that I realized just how special this Mommy thing was.  Her huge brown eyes staring up into mine, I just knew she was my little soul mate.  I was absolutely meant to be hers, and she was absolutely meant to be mine.  Every struggle, big or little, I'd ever gone through was to get me to that minute.  I've never doubted it a moment since then.. I'll always be hers, she'll always be mine.

But somehow she's gotten big on me.  She's not that itty bitty baby with the big eyes gazing up at me, as though I'm the only person in the world.  She's found she enjoys plenty of time with other people, happy to shoo me away so she can play with her friends at school or so she can go out and have fun with any number of people that are not me.  I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.  I thought I had a good couple of years left of her clinging to my leg, only ever wanting Mommy and giving an earful to anyone trying to appease her when I'm not there.  I know it sounds pretty bad to say that; the rational part of me absolutely knows that it's a great thing that she is independent, and social and doesn't need to hide behind my knees in public.  I should also note she's hardly dissociative with me...she loves her some Mommy snuggles when we're at home, and there are some times where only Mommy will do, but they're just not nearly as often as they used to be.  Which brings me right back to the fact that she's simply just NOT a baby anymore.

On the bright side of things, she herself isn't too perturbed by not being a baby anymore.  As a "big girl" she has more freedom.  She gets to swim in the intermediate pool with Daddy, go on some rides by herself, and has more fun on the playground without Mommy following her onto the bouncy bridge.  She likes being called the "big girl."  She especially likes being called the "big sister."  I'm not sure she knows what that means yet, but she knows there is a baby coming.  She pets my tummy, kisses my popping belly button, says everyone must "do nice" by the baby and tells people about her baby brother in Mommy's belly.  While this should really make me feel better, it only seals' the deal on my daughter's closing chapter on babyhood.  You know, the babyhood I was in no rush to leave behind.

Although I might be a bit dipped in sadness at the nug's seemingly sudden shot into childhood, the hubs and I are no less amazed or in love with her every day.  Even in the most frustrating moments (and with a 2.5 year old, there's LOTS of those), we seem to find some aspect to be proud of.  If she's pouting or angrily shouting an explanation for something she "wants" (a word we hear a LOT lately), we are amazed by not only the fact that she can explain...at length...why she wants it, but that she has a legitimate thought process behind what she's saying.  Sometimes we catch ourselves being totally played by her, only realizing mid-process that the 2.5 year old has, once again, outsmarted us.  Or take yesterday, when at a Memorial Day BBQ of all adults, not only did she stop them all mid conversation with her rendition of Barney's "I love you" song, but got them to sing along with her....every.single.one of them (think Happy Birthday, minus the cake and candles and led by a 2 year old who's chin was dripping with watermelon juice).


Those are the moments I know I'd do it all over again.  That whether or not I'm ready, time is going to keep moving.  That whether or not any of us are ready, we are going to do it all over again.  And if I'm one of the luckiest people in the world, in two and a half years, I'll still be lamenting how big my daughter has gotten on me...and how my son is suddenly a big kid, too.