I'm baaaaaack! New Year and a "motherlode" of goals!

It's been 3 (yes, THREE!) months since Kenny's successful awake craniotomy, but I have to say, it feels much longer.  We settled into family life much faster than I had anticipated, and while sometimes I worry that I've lulled myself into a false sense of security, it's a risk I'm willing to take for the time being.  What else can I do?  My constant worry about every.little.thing. isn't doing anyone any good anyhow.  So, instead, I've refocused my efforts into getting our act together in 2013 (which mostly revolves around my kids). 

So about two years ago, when I was gearing up to turn 30 (::sigh::, when I was a still spry 29 year old), I started this blog because I wanted to challenge myself to try new things.  Cam was a little more than a year old, and she, and life, were generally easy.  I tried new recipes, new drinks, went new places and did my best to adhere to "the list."  I didn't complete it, but I enjoyed the "challenge" and feeling of accomplishment of some personal goals.  At the time, Cam's needs were simple.  She needed love, and snuggles, and some attention.  Flash forward two years, and obviously things are different now- not only because life has become a bit more complicated, but because we have a second child, too.  I don't have time to make 25 ingredient meals or spend hours every day at the gym. I wish I remembered what it was like to go to the movies or even have time (at this point) to take an extra long shower by myself.  I guess my point is that two years ago, I had the luxury of my personal goals being, well, personal.  

Today?  My biggest goals are all mom related (or really, kid related).  Not only has Cam hit the terrible 3's with hurricane force, she's had a really tough 6 months, something we only realized recently.  In July, our little trio lived a happy-go-lucky, easy existence.  We had, earlier in the year, moved her from our room (she slept with us the bulk of her life) and I had weaned her from extended nursing (which I've talked about before).  It was tough (or at least it felt tough at the time), but she handled it with gusto.  By the second week of August she had a baby brother and slept on a pullout couch at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  Kenny and I were constantly disappearing for doctor  appointments, and then he was gone (from her world) for the better part of two weeks, where he came home with a big "boo boo" on his head.  Of course, when all was well, we moved back home, where she finally felt the effects of being a big sister (since there were no longer 5 adults around all the time).

I know things could have been worse (by far).  I know we are incredibly lucky and fortunate and every adjective possible that means "Thank the effing God(s?) above my husband is mostly tumor free and had a rock star recovery."  But my girl got lost in the shuffle of getting Ken to where he is now, and now it's her time to get back on track (well, everyone's, but at the moment, she needs the most attention).  We did a lot of overcompensating.  A lot of TV watching and fruit snacks were had to appease the daughter who we felt we neglected for 3 months, and we created a monster.  An angry, clingy, non sleeping monster.  I realized at the very tail end of the year that spoiling her was doing no good; not for us and most definitely not for her.  That's when we decided 2013 is the year we try our damnedest to get ourselves together. Our end goals are simple...health and happiness.  We always say that, don't we?  We wish ourselves and everyone a healthy and happy new year?  Well, we are putting our money where our mouths are.  

Sounds easy, right?  Yeah...ok.  That's why I'm throwing down the gauntlet (ie. challenging myself to these tasks on my blog so I am shamed into following through).  I'll break it down for you: I want my kids happy.  I want them healthy.  I want me healthy, happy and getting enough "me" time that I don't cringe when I hear Ben stirring or Cam calling for me when I'm two sips into my morning cup of coffee.  I want Kenny healthy, and into the best work/life balance possible.  I want time with friends, time with our kids, time alone and time to get back to life.  We need gym time, playground time, nap time, book time and snuggle time. Things aren't going to be what they used to be, but they can still be great.  Obviously this is going to take a lot of baby steps...

To start, we began using a sticker board of every day accomplishments we'd like Cam to achieve, like sleeping by herself, not having accidents in her underwear (she often will wait so long she goes a tiny drop and then tells us she has to go), cleaning up her toys, eating her fruits and vegetables, and not throwing tantrums.  The first week felt hopeless, but finally it sank in (and seems to be working at least for a few of the things).  We have cut out unnecessary sugar (she was none too happy about the lack of fruit snacks and Gerber snacks), amped up her fruit and veggie intake, reduced her TV time (like by A LOT), and are upping our efforts to get her outside to play more.  It's only been a few weeks, but we can see a huge difference in her attitude already.  Thank God...it was getting hairy there for a bit.  As for Ben, luckily his needs are still pretty minimal.  He's still sleeping in our room (the APA recommends babies sleep in the same room as their parents until 6 months of age, I know most people don't really go that long but he's not really interrupting anyone's sleep so we're fine with this), but I do plan to move him to his room in the coming months (something that didn't happen with Cam until she was almost 2.5).  

As for Ken and I- he's began what will likely be his work schedule for the foreseeable future (commuting 2 days a week and working from home 3).  He's still navigating how to be at his most effective for work while he's at home (I've mentioned before how he genuinely enjoys work and his job, so he really strives to do well- always looking for ways to improve himself); but he says he thinks he's getting there.  We've made our bedroom his office; inclusive of a desk facing the window and a new computer on it's way (something about needing a giant monitor so he can have multiple applications open at once...I'm usually doing something domestic like wrangling wiggly kids into their clothes when he's explaining such things).  I keep the kids mostly out of his way for the bulk of the day (with the exception of when I need to get dressed), and he enjoys that he gets enough rest and can work late without having to still commute 90+ minutes afterward.  The days he goes in are like a treat- since no cars are necessary to get around in NY he feels some independence and gets to be amongst co-worker (ahem, adults- I'd be lying if I said I wasn't moderately jealous on that point...).  We are trying to plan some nights out (and one away) so we can start getting time alone to talk about things other than who pooped, who ate, and who bathed (the kids, not us, get your heads out of the gutter).  

I, personally, am still pretty much at square 1.  Other than a new obsession with Gossip Girl, that Kenny and I watch on Netflix most nights after the kids have gone down, I don't have much (if any) time alone to do things like exercise; but I AM eating better (I actually have all 3 of us solid food eating Courtneys' on an immune boosting diet of lean meats and lots of fruits and veggies).  I'll get there, but it's all par for the course with everything.  I'm (obviously) trying to find some time to write, but with Kenny still using the family computer most days, until the new work computer arrives I'll settle for whenever I can get.  Since I'm fairly certain the gym and I will remain merely acquaintances for the coming few months (until cold and flu season is mostly over and I feel okay putting Ben in their daycare), I'm focusing my personal goals on getting our house/schedules organized and in-sync.  By the end of February, I'd like my house to be a well oiled machine.  Right now, disaster area is an understatement- but with a little elbow grease and a lot of purging, I think 2 months is a good end goal for getting it looking better and feeling easier to stay on top of.  (PS- have I mentioned how ecstatic I am to be talking about normal things???  I could squeal....seriously).  I hope to check in again soon! 

You know you love me. XOXO,

Gossip Girl. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)