GOOD Friday :)

It's been a jam packed week in the C house!  The fact that it's Friday already has me a bit confused (and underprepared since we have a busy weekend ahead, too!).  I'm proud to announce I stuck to my To Do list challenge; my house is clean, my laundry is (mostly) done, my child has been happily  exhausted from play dates and playground trips every day, and I most definitely feel like I had a really good, productive week.

It's truly amazing to me how such a seemingly small shift in my day can improve my attitude SO drastically.  Even the hubs mentioned yesterday how I seemed more positive.  While I wasn't super successful at working formal exercise into my week (besides a couple of walks at the park), I really didn't stop moving anyway so I know my body definitely got some working out.  As for the food, it was definitely a better week, but still not where I want to be.  Being super hungry all.the.time and fighting constant cravings definitely has me feeling a little overwhelmed where food is concerned.  My attempted solution will be to start carrying around some crackers or granola bars (we'll see if that does anything to remedy my sudden pit stops).  Of course, with food-eating holiday weeks it's always tough- chocolate bunnies, almond/coconut macaroons, cakes, pies, and all that comes with 'em- but since Sunday marks the end of that (for me), next week *should* be easier.

At the current moment, I'm home alone.  Yes...totally, alone.  I have my feet up, some form of non-child programming on TV (in fact I find myself channel surfing just because I CAN dammit!), and I'm typing away without looking up every 20 seconds to make sure the nug isn't getting herself into any trouble.  No, no- she's on a much anticipated Daddy/Daughter breakfast date (complete with park excursion to tucker her out for nap time).  As much as I love being with my girl all the time, it's nice to be able to just sit every now and again (::takes big relaxing breath and changes channel...again::).

So this week, with the Spring arriving and all those fabu 80's movies on tv (seriously, I love Teen Witch, but ABC Family is killing the excitement by putting it on every week), I got into one of my quiet, self reflective stints.  Am I where I thought I'd be?  I have no clue- days of reflection and I have no answer.  To be honest I don't think I thought that far ahead when I was a kid.  Sure I had dreams of being a movie star or a dancer or a famous something or other- but in reality?  Nope- no clue where I'd end up.  Even in college I didn't plan for a specific career path- I did then what I do now, I live day by day.  This REALLY bothered me at first...for reasons I can't really pinpoint I've never quite felt like "everyone else".  I did what other people did because that is what I thought I was supposed to do- I graduated high school, went to college, got the jobs- but never really felt like I fit a specific mold.  I even remember coming home crying to my mom that I didn't feel like I fit in (probably in middle school or so)...I sure tried, though.   However, after college I started to feel like I was lost, wandering aimlessly in a sea of people who knew exactly where they wanted to go.  I even married a person like that- as long as I've known him, K has been the guy who knows what he wants to do and does it.  For a VERY long time I felt bad about myself because I felt I lacked direction; like there was something wrong with me that there wasn't any ONE thing I wanted to do with my life.

Now that I'm a little older (and still never settled on any one thing), I don't really feel that it's necessary to be someone who always knows where they're going.  Not that I never think about the future, but I'm not one of those people who thinks about life 30 years from now.  After some thought I realized it's very possibly a side effect of growing up with an addict.  High school, college and the couple of years following were about survival for me- every day was manageable if I could just make it to the end of it.  It sounds bad (for sure), but once my family and I emerged from all that, I think surviving every day morphed into living every day.  Of course, in some ways you need to plan (savings accounts, college accounts and IRA's, Oh My!), but where my life is concerned I am finally (really) okay with the fact that I will never be someone that knows what's coming next.  I'm never going to be the woman with a 5 year plan, or the mom who decides what high school my children are going to when they're still in diapers, or even the mom who plans to be all theses things (stricter, more lenient, more involved, less involved, etc) with her kids.  The truth is I just don't know...and that since I've embraced living day by day I've never been happier.  Something's gotta be working,right?

As for THIS day (which is Good Friday and the kick-off to Passover), I'll be living it by getting a much needed mani and having a fun night out with the hubs- BBQ dinner and seeing THE BOSS tonight! Here's wishing a Chag Sameach to my Jewish Friends and Family and a Holy Good Friday to my Christian friends and Family!